<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/19648591?origin\x3dhttp://hereshestands.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>



Profile Entries Tagboard Affiliates
Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
hopelessly lost
Thursday, December 15, 2005, 2:19 PM
yesterdae slept at 12 midnite++ cos 2 bz listenin 2 98.7FM it rox man!! okie...i'm fakin. yesterdae cant slp cos i heard my mum n dad arguing over sumthing.their room is separated from mine thru a living rm but can still hear them. nope. i can only hear my mum cos she's hollerin n yellin in e middle of e nite lyk a mad woman n even thou a sound is a little muffled i can guess dat dey're tokin bout mi.cos yesterdae i had a talk wif my dad n i guess he toked 2 my mum after dat n so i overheard them arguin. my mum is hopeless de. everytime we ask her 2 tok things out properly n reasonably n all n she agrees bud when she's mad 4 e tiniest little thing, she yell at u n 4get everything she promised mi not 2 do.i told my dad i dun care, if dis continues, i'll yell bac at her. if she cant control her emotions properly she mus learn 2. i cant jus let her yell at mi 4 no reason bcos of her stupid "problem". rite. enuf bout her.i can promise u dat 2day b4 she get home 30mins she'll start her rountinely naggin n yellin. so, 2dae, i'll try not 2 let dat happen by avoidin her n den come bac at home at 7.30pm 4 dinner jus lyk wad i did yesterdae. it feels good not 2 haf her around.

i haf often wondered if dis is really my life cos i seemed not 2 b doing e stuff dat i wan myself 2 do. i cant haf self-discipline. i wan my self 2 play com only 2hrs but i ended up playin 4. i wanna get more frenz budden i mus act lyk those giggly gals all feminin n all which is considered as fakin since i'm not liddat at all. somehow i mus find a way 2 find frenz who accepts mi as mi n not some hyprocrite fake. so i'll go 4 "i'll rather b hated 4 hu i am, den be loved 4 hu i am not". i wan freedom away from my mum 2 stop her from officing my life n pickin on mi dis n dat n naggin n askin mi 2 do dis n not do dat.i jus gets 2 mi n sumtimes i jus lose it completely n yell at her 4 a change. bud it dun feel gd yellin, sumtimes it make mi feel guilty. but instead i tell myself i'll b more happi yellin at her cos it aint fair lettin her yell 4 no reason if i get beatn up by her it's worth it, at least i "shot" sumthing at her. so everytime it's lyk i'm so torn lost confused over wad rite's n wrong, over wad 2 do. so dat leads 2 mii depressed. den yesterdae after "the fight" i wondered if i become a orphan or had depression or ran away from home or went totally loony as in really loony...would my life b better cos dat means no parents naggin,left only ME 2 fend 4 myself,2 lead my life. let's consider e options.

if i become an orphan i'll b still mentally clear of wad's happenin n able. it'll lead 2 some necessary tears but after e tears i jus hafta "face e facts" n move on. no one will nag behind my bac n i'll finally b able 2 haf my life in MY hands.
if i haf depression, i'll still b mentally ok bud i'll go 2 a treatment center n haf my own pschologist n get grp therapy n all dat crap. nope it's not gd. i'll b bored 2 death trap in e treatment center jus lyk a gal in a bk i read hu cut herself n had 2 leave sch n home n get locked in e treatment center she hates.
if i run away from home den i'll suffer from lack of money=hunger=loneliness=society discrimination n e list goes on n on n on cos i read dis totally sad bk bout dis few kids who ran away from home n den lyk more half of e kids out in e streets died from drugs n hunger n everything n received such utter cruel treatment. omgggg y am i always relatin 2 bks?!
if i become loony...welllll i dunno wad 2 sae cos den i'll b mentally insane n unable 2 control my actions n speech, let alone my life.

seems lyk none of those options work...so might as well choose death. here's a quote:"men do not have the control over life, but only haf the RIGHT to live."