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Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
oops...i got into the wrong family!
Thursday, May 11, 2006, 2:05 PM
my to-do list:
-cd ws 6.3
-sc ws 5
-maths journal
-combined sia mag editing of some parts
-filing of LA, chinese n maths stuff
-stupid LA poem analysis. (see if i haf time den do)

i tink i was born in the wrong family. i lack of normal family life. my "family life" is my parents hysterically screaming at each other at every miniscule thing non-stop. my family life is mi not talking 2 my parents. my family life is being scolded by my mum 24/7. wellll...i haf a lot of other things dat other kids dun haf. i am an IP student in nygh, one of the best schs in s'pore. i can sing well, play piano gr6, play table tennis, speak 3 languages, swim and get at least A results 4 my report book. i am 170cm tall n only going on 14 and i'm not fat n i'm not ugly. what more can i ask for??????

BUT WHO E HELL AM I KIDDING???????? i may haf all those good stuff, the brains, the height, the talents etc etc etc but i dun experience a normal family. of all the normalest things ppl shld haf, it's a family. but mi, i have all those so-called "extra" stuff but i dun haf the normalest of normalest things. my family's so messed up. my parents jus yell at each other so damn frequently i cant stand it. n now we're about to move to a new bigger hse at toh guan then my mum jus walked out n said dat she's not gonna buy dat apartment animore! welll...i haf so many many times prayed dat i will haf a happy family. n so many many times my hopes haf been dashed. so now i no longer pray. cos i noe it cant work. i reassure myself anymore cos i owaes end up disappointing myself. n i hate 2 disappoint myself bcos dat is jus a hollow thingy n i'm an ambitious person. i want most of my things 2 run smoothly, nicely, without any hiccups in between. i dun wanna go optimistic cos being optimistic is lyk promising urself of a better sth or telling urself dat things will go better. but most of time, they actually dont. so i'm pessimistic bcos i'm not cheating myself, i'm jus admiting e way things r n how cruel the reality is. i seriously dun feel like talking about this crap anymore. these useless tots n sounds ringing in my ears. i wanna 4get them n b somebody else. i dun hafta b perfect. having all those good things doesnt help mi enhance my parents' relationship. i dun care about them anymore. go ahead. scream. cos i cant do anything, i'm not their brains. their brains seemed to haf malfunctioned n dey cant control themselves n dey cant seem 2 talk like normal ppl. however hard i pray, it's not gonna help cos i cant control anything.

i wish i can b somebody else who have parents who cant actually talk properly like a civilised loving couple. den i'll jus hafta control myself cos all those things dat i can do r all achieved by myself. my ability to speak french, play table tennis well, sing well, play the piano well, get good results all lie in my hands. so i can achieve those things by working hard. but i cant achieve a good family life cos they're not in my hands 2 control.

2dae jus came bac from the china embassy, had a freakin horrible time there wif my mum yelling at a lady working there n mi tryin to disappear from there cos i was jus 2 freakin ashamed of my mum. few daes ago, complete my feature mag =D(finally!!!!) n den ran 2.4km for 14.34 mins. i missed csm 2dae. dat's e only thing i'm gloating over rite now.