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Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
Not worth turning back
Wednesday, July 30, 2008, 9:32 PM
You said today was the 100th day anniversary since the passing away of my yeye. You went out and bought incense, paper money, mourning flowers and whatnot simply for that. You light the incense and the smoke made me cringe...The smell, it brings gloom to this house. You want me to do the same. I'm sorry if I hurt you when I turned you down. I cannot bring myself down onto my knees and offer incense to a person that I do not want to remember. I cannot bring myself to look at my deceased yeye's picture and pretend that I miss him when I do not. I simply hope he continues to be peaceful and that's it. I'm sorry.

I do not understand. I don't understand why you do the things you do, why you had to put pictures of only your side of the family in the study and look at them everytime you walk past and the disgusting rotten oranges you brought back from China from my yeye's funeral. I do not understand why you cannot just put things aside and stop flipping through the old pages of your memories. I do not understand why you have to burn paper money and pollute the environment when our family doesn't even believe in that at all. What is gone is gone, nothing you do will bring it back, do you understand? So why not you try to spend more time THINKING about your actual family members that lives under the same roof with you instead of calling back every single week back to the people that I'm now starting to dislike in China?

Please. Don't make me do things I dislike to do. Don't make me pretend. I do not want to remember somebody who I don't really know, despite him being related to me by blood. But what I do know, is that this same person was one of the main reasons why I had to be sent to nursery boarding school when I was 4/5 years old. And I hate him(them) for it.

Look at ME. I'm here. Look at MOM. She's here too. We're your family. Even though sometimes we're cranky women, but we're part of the family YOU helped to set up. You have the responsibility for us more than you have responsibility for the family in China, even though I think it's highly unlikely that you ever acknowledge or even realise that. Please. Just stop this and drop it once and for all. I understand that he's your dad, and he's my yeye but I feel that it is respectful enough to remember the deceased once a year, because all those things are just not worth turning back.

(Previous related post here)