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Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
spiraling out of control
Friday, July 17, 2009, 10:26 PM
When I was small, I wished I would grow up faster and I used to fantasize what would happen when I turn seventeen or eighteen. How fun my life would be. But now, I realised that as with everything goes, losing something will always make you treasure it more. And so I mourn for my fleeting childhood. I mourn for the lost innocence. And I mourn for my happiness.

Me, in Tian An Men Square

It all seems so surreal right now, all the things I had and the person I used to be.
Looking at things the way they are right now, nothing seems to be going on the right track. I can't see how this mess is going to sort itself out so that I can get a scholarship to US at the end of these two years in HC. I screwed up my blocks horribly...most disappointing because I studied but I didn't yield (as usual). Chem was the most disappointing I guess...but that was because I lost so many marks for essay qns. Bio won't turn out pretty either cos I already -15m because of one whole unattempted qn. And GP, I did ok for essay but bad for compre so I still got a C and math was the only one within my expectations. I don't expect much for econs either...OMFG. I probably won't get a single A and I think my chances of getting B's for bio and econs is quite low too.

I feel like crying.

Seeing how promos will be as hard or maybe even harder than blocks, I would probably need to score an A for promos in order to get an A for most subjects, which seems pretty impossible. And how can I take up a bloody H3 like this?! And no H3 pratically = at least having my chances halved for getting a scholarship??? Because I don't exactly have an overstuffed CCA record. Today hearing Mr Chan taking about all those awards and stuff just made me feel extremely stressed cos I know my current results won't get me anywhere. It made me more stressed knowing that promos is just two bloody months away, stuffed with tons of lecture tests/quizzes etc in between. I don't know how I can revise in these two months with so much crap going on.

And in the middle of all this, I am screwing up my sleep time and my hormones, getting a horrible breakout and feeling fat. I think I am officially in a mid life crisis. No, I mean pre-midlife crisis.

Oh no. I seriously don't know how I can make this right again. Somebody help me please...

Tmr I'll have PW speech training and then I can't make it for Qihao's bday celebration cos I'm going to a scholarship&uni fair at suntec with melly on sunday...which doesn't seem to have much of a point now.