Une fille comme moi

reasons or excuses?

Thursday, December 29, 2005, 3:14 PM

basically i've grouped life into 3 main grps: schooling period, working period, n after-retirement period. each period last about 20 years or more each. so dis proves dat life is jus so boring!! r we jus living 4 e sake of living? or r we livin 4 a purpose? accordin 2 my mum, we should haf a aim in live in life. 4 e schooling period we should aim 2 focus on study properly so as 2 find a gd job in e future. 4 e workin period we should achieve n fite 4 higher job ranks n if we haf a family by den, work hard 2 support e family n kids. n e aim 4 after-retirement period is 2 keep our body healthy so as not 2 become a burden 4 e society n e family. i feel dat all 3 aims r pretty stupid n boring. so wad r our reasons 4 livin??

my dad saes dat we should c things in a optimistic way. cos we r livin life, it's better 2 c things in a better lite den n b happi den 2 sad n pessimistic all e way. but i feel dat being optimisitic is sorta lyk deceiving urself. if u got all these frenship prob, family probs n all dat crap, how can u still remain optimistic? how can u still face all those crap n tell urself dat it's okay? how can u sae dat dey dun mean those hurtful stuff dey said? dat ppl dun mean 2 backstab u on purpose? how can u still tolerate those things n b happi???? it's impossible unless u close ur eyes n wrap a dark veil around those sad stuff. dat means u actually cant face e reality of ur problems so u convince n deceive urself dat those stuff r okay. which, in my opinion, is wad a coward would do. i CANNOT stay optimistic cos i'm jus so damn sick of these problems. i CANNOT stay optimistic cos i'm not a coward, i'll force myself 2 bear wif e reality of my life.

mayb e 1st time u face these stuff, u'll stay optimistic. u'll persuade urself dat these horrible things will eventaully go away. u'll believe dat ur life will change after a few wks 4 e better. but 4 mi, i'm jus met wif this crap 4 2 long. once i believed dat i can change things. i can make e bad stuff go away. but no, now i no longer do cos dat is not sumthing in my capability. it's lyk loving sumthing dat u lyk a lot. mayb u love chocs a lot. but if u kip eatin n kip eatin this same brand of chocs over n over again, u'll start 2 hate it. so now, i'm jus 2 tired n sick of convincin myself of e untruths. 2 tired n sick 2 cover up n close my eyes on these problems.
it's e same wif hw n projects. i dislike them. but yet i'm forced 2 do these hw in fear of punishment from e teachers n in fear of not securing a good enuf job in e future. so i've no choice but 2 do these things dat i hate. i cant remain optimistic n sae" hey, thou i'm tired, i've learnt pretty much stuff 2day n i look 4ward 2 learning more e very nex day" cos i've done these process of learning, listening 2 teachers drone on in sch, doing hw n projects 4 abt 7 yrs. cos i've been given an "overdose" of learning, i've started 2 hate it. NO ONE in sch can possibly luv doing hw n learning unless dey're freaks. it's only natural 2 hate hw n it's only natural 2 stay pessimistic cos i cant stay optimistic.

xmas is over...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005, 5:33 PM

i realized i din blog 4 14 daes which is quite a record...aniwae i'm jus quite sad dat xmas is over n xmas is a time which symbolizes both happiness n dread cos after xmas dere's only one wk of holidaes left =( i got chocs, chocs n more chocs 4 xmas...lurrveeeee them now i'm a couch potato, seatin at home eatin diff kinds of chocs each dae lol jus hope i wun get fat!! 2dae i went into ms n took screenies wif my buddies in happyville n i had a lot of fun decoratin e xmas tree!! n now i haf another event 2 look 4ward 2---my mum's D&D n after e D&D it's nearly e start of sch le...sighzz one more yr of business, projects, hw n all those frenship prob crap. my BBF gave mi e best advice ever: not 2 mind those ppl n jus carry on wif studies, dun let it try 2 deprove ur results, let everything go e natural way, dun try 2 hard but jus hafta open up more n take a step 4ward. it makes sense.

4 my nex yr in nygh as a senior, i'm lookin 4ward 2 guide my juniors thru their confusing frustratin 1st yr in nygh n i look 4ward 2 havin a mortal =) n i hope my mortal n i will kip on sendin mails n givin pressies till at least T2~i'm not really lookin 4ward wif 2 much antipation on e whole new idea of e stupid SIAs, OM, e responsibilites as a senior in choir n e feelin of left out, extra, out of place. i will change n take a step 4ward 2wards everything...eg frenship problems, family parents problems mayb i haf turnt slightly more opptimistic n left my shadow behind. but my shadow jus occupies mi once i'm on my own. alone. i'll start listening 2 those sad n spirital music from bands lyk evanescence. i wonder if my mind has 2 halves. e dark n e light. e yin n yang. i guess dey exist in every1. but it's a mystery of how 2 control it. some ppl had themselves disciplined n they're completely in control but i'm jus lyk a tightrope walker each step gettin shakier n shakier n i'm afraid dat i'll fall. cos yin n yang exact opposites, they r supposed 2 b equal, 2 balance 2 create harmony. but wad if one side triumphs over another? u always hafta make decisions. u always hafta choose btw one another. dere's only a winner. which side shall i unleash? sighh i'm lost inside my own world again...lost under e surface.

e society is 4eva fast movin.it is a huge tank of paint. once u get in u absorb some of them...u get infected wif bad stuff n u get motivated by gd stuff. it is e same wif animals in e wild. only e strongest survives n e society eliminates out e weak. every1 is fightin against one another 2 achieve something. it's e building block of life. if every1 is fighting, competing over hu achieved e top number of sales, who got e highest result in e exam, who did dis who did dat...how is dere supposed 2 b a balance dis way? in my opinion, e whole world is chaotic. nobody slows down 2 tink bout stuff liddat cos they're 2 wrapped up in their own business. nobody can stop moving cos once they do, dey lose out. is dat supposed 2 b fair? can we get a entire revolution n vote wad we should all become? is it fair dat way? i'm really torn btw choices. 2 view everything in a bigger view. zoomed under e microscope, u c ur life n u decide wad u should do e nex dae, wad u should do in dis wk, accomplish dis month, achieve a goal dis yr n live ur life. den u look at everybody. in e society n u wonder bout each of them. den u look at e whole earth. at e pollution n e politics, at e wars btw nations n petty affairs btw each other, at e hole in e ozone n at ur own hole in ur life. look e other way. from another person's angle. it takes a maturity of tots 2 do dat. so tink about it. listen. see. hear. evil is everywhere is all forms n shapes. but at e same time, goodness is encouragin on. decide.

~lonely`

Wednesday, December 21, 2005, 9:55 AM

it's gonna b xmas in lyk 3 daes time n i'm still depressed n devasted. yesterdae i downloaded "welcome 2 my life" n "untitled" by simple plan from e net. i feel dat those songs r made 4 mii. e guy is singin e voice in my heart...it's EXCATLY how i feel!! n i still din do my xmas shoppin. i've asked more den 5 ppl le but dey all not free. n i'm left alone here feelin so left out. each dae i nuthin 2 do. jus seat at home n watch cable or play everydae. so sadz...i read a new bk. it's got a rather interestin concept---the cool pyramid.

at e top of e pyramid is ppl called e Innovators. e 1st kid 2 keep her wallet on a big chunky chain. e 1st 2 wear way 2 big pants on purpose. e 1st guy who wore his baseball cap backwards. these ppl i admire them 4 creatin out their own style. 2 stand out n b diff from others, not afraid of being laughed at or pushed away by their curious appearances. dere's always sumthing new dat stand out from them.
the nex lvl is e trendsetters. their goal is 2 be e 2nd person in e world 2 catch the latest disease. dey watch carefully 4 innovators, always ready 2 jump on board. but more importantly, others watch them. unlike Innovators, dey r classified as "cool" so when dey pick up a innovation, it becomes cool.
below them r e Early Adopters. these ppl always haf e latest phone, e latest music player plugged into their ear. dey test n tweak e trend, softening e edges. n one vital diff from Trendsetters, early adopters saw their stuff on a mag, not on e streets.
further down there's e Consumers. e ppl who hafta c a product advertised on tv, fifteen diff mag ads n on a giant poster in e mall b4 sayin "hey, dat's pretty cool"
last r e Laggards. dey r wad some "popular" ppl called e geeks. but these r e ppl dat i lyk. proud n comfortable in wadeva they're wearin, dey resist all change. n i would lyk 2 make a correction here. dey should b considered as Classicists. a more respectable term. dey r wad dey r. at least dey dun hafta change a phone every mth n get updated on every latest stuff n dress e same lyk everyone lyk clones. the Innovators n the Classicists r e 2 grps dat i like e most. dey dun hafta listen 2 e trend. dey either ignore it or dey tink dat e world nids some changes n dey dare 2 make a difference n voice up.

i wonder who in e world set up e trend. n y we should all folo it 2 become "cool". dis is all a concept dat e majority haf believed. wad if every1 believes dat havin our own style is cool? wad if we dun folo dis stupid trend n walk our own way? wad if we dun even believe in cool? nobody needa dress lyk lookalikes. nobody cares wad u wear n every1 jus accept u as wad u r. wouldnt dat b gr8? life is confusin sumtimes, ppl r confusin. everything 4 mi jus goes wrong. sighhh.

3:38PM

Friday, December 16, 2005, 3:38 PM

depressed.

feelin ironic over e fact dat i always used 2 b e peacemaker n "comforter" in p6 but now e tables r turned n it's dere turn 2 comfort mi.

mum now turns 2 givin mi cold n slient treatment. dun speak 2 mi. if she does, all she sae 2 mi is order lyk do dis do dat n she dun say e words, she snap them. arghhhhhh i'm fightin so hard 2 control my attitude. i had 2 clench my fists last nite--TIGHT,reall tight--not 2 gif retorts.

10 words to describe mi:
-depressed
-lonely
-frustrated
-confused
-lost
-pessimistic
-agonised
-sick-of-life
-sarcastic
-rebellious

hopelessly lost

Thursday, December 15, 2005, 2:19 PM

yesterdae slept at 12 midnite++ cos 2 bz listenin 2 98.7FM it rox man!! okie...i'm fakin. yesterdae cant slp cos i heard my mum n dad arguing over sumthing.their room is separated from mine thru a living rm but can still hear them. nope. i can only hear my mum cos she's hollerin n yellin in e middle of e nite lyk a mad woman n even thou a sound is a little muffled i can guess dat dey're tokin bout mi.cos yesterdae i had a talk wif my dad n i guess he toked 2 my mum after dat n so i overheard them arguin. my mum is hopeless de. everytime we ask her 2 tok things out properly n reasonably n all n she agrees bud when she's mad 4 e tiniest little thing, she yell at u n 4get everything she promised mi not 2 do.i told my dad i dun care, if dis continues, i'll yell bac at her. if she cant control her emotions properly she mus learn 2. i cant jus let her yell at mi 4 no reason bcos of her stupid "problem". rite. enuf bout her.i can promise u dat 2day b4 she get home 30mins she'll start her rountinely naggin n yellin. so, 2dae, i'll try not 2 let dat happen by avoidin her n den come bac at home at 7.30pm 4 dinner jus lyk wad i did yesterdae. it feels good not 2 haf her around.

i haf often wondered if dis is really my life cos i seemed not 2 b doing e stuff dat i wan myself 2 do. i cant haf self-discipline. i wan my self 2 play com only 2hrs but i ended up playin 4. i wanna get more frenz budden i mus act lyk those giggly gals all feminin n all which is considered as fakin since i'm not liddat at all. somehow i mus find a way 2 find frenz who accepts mi as mi n not some hyprocrite fake. so i'll go 4 "i'll rather b hated 4 hu i am, den be loved 4 hu i am not". i wan freedom away from my mum 2 stop her from officing my life n pickin on mi dis n dat n naggin n askin mi 2 do dis n not do dat.i jus gets 2 mi n sumtimes i jus lose it completely n yell at her 4 a change. bud it dun feel gd yellin, sumtimes it make mi feel guilty. but instead i tell myself i'll b more happi yellin at her cos it aint fair lettin her yell 4 no reason if i get beatn up by her it's worth it, at least i "shot" sumthing at her. so everytime it's lyk i'm so torn lost confused over wad rite's n wrong, over wad 2 do. so dat leads 2 mii depressed. den yesterdae after "the fight" i wondered if i become a orphan or had depression or ran away from home or went totally loony as in really loony...would my life b better cos dat means no parents naggin,left only ME 2 fend 4 myself,2 lead my life. let's consider e options.

if i become an orphan i'll b still mentally clear of wad's happenin n able. it'll lead 2 some necessary tears but after e tears i jus hafta "face e facts" n move on. no one will nag behind my bac n i'll finally b able 2 haf my life in MY hands.
if i haf depression, i'll still b mentally ok bud i'll go 2 a treatment center n haf my own pschologist n get grp therapy n all dat crap. nope it's not gd. i'll b bored 2 death trap in e treatment center jus lyk a gal in a bk i read hu cut herself n had 2 leave sch n home n get locked in e treatment center she hates.
if i run away from home den i'll suffer from lack of money=hunger=loneliness=society discrimination n e list goes on n on n on cos i read dis totally sad bk bout dis few kids who ran away from home n den lyk more half of e kids out in e streets died from drugs n hunger n everything n received such utter cruel treatment. omgggg y am i always relatin 2 bks?!
if i become loony...welllll i dunno wad 2 sae cos den i'll b mentally insane n unable 2 control my actions n speech, let alone my life.

seems lyk none of those options work...so might as well choose death. here's a quote:"men do not have the control over life, but only haf the RIGHT to live."

do i really noe myself?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005, 3:40 PM

jus had a longggggg chat wif my p6 now in nygh basically we complained bout all those stuff. u noe how mothers r so unfair n insolent,how frenz in nygh r so hard 2 make n how hard we're tryin(but 2 no avail) 2 fit in into these little impenetrable frenship circles dat divides out class up. but is life really so bad? are dere really so many bad stuff roamin around? do life really sux? how do i c it in a diff lite so dat i can c wad's really e life dat i'm livin? seems 2 mi dat we're all livin under dis mask. a fake mask. so as 2 fit into e society, so as 2 not 2 lose out. the trend. someone creates it. so dat all thsoe gals out dere HAD 2 wear micro-mini skirts n all those bois out dere jus HAD 2 wear 2 layers(long-sleeved inside n short sleeved tee out). n if u dun haf e lastest stuff or clothes or "behaviour", u're considered as a nerd. geek. is dat rite? i tink all those ppl who do not folo e trend r brave. at least dey dare 2 stand out n b individual n not folo blindlessly n b same as every1 else!

if life is so great, if dis life is MY life, how come all i c is evil? bad stuff. i dun find happiness at all. all those "dark" stuff seemed 2 overlap all e good stuff. e darkness drowns out e lite. how come my life is controlled by all those other ppl? if u wanna live ur life, haf ur own style! u dun needa b leaded or controlled...wad u nid is e society 2 accept ur way of live, so not c u as a "oddball". u can do anything u wan,wear anything,say anything...it's YOU! it's not thousands of millions of ppl's. how i wish dat i'm still a small child. so innocent. almost ignorant 2 e evils n chaos of e world. so happy over e slightest little thing. so worry-free. i'll gif my life if i can achieve dat. i mean if i'm see good when i'm dead, i might as well die!! i believe our lives r more den complaints n hw n competition. but dat is a belief. where those"a brighter future","a new 2moro" r i dunno. all i noe is dat at least if i stay positive n believe dat those things r not lost, i may jus fit in. i my jus shut my eyes on these evils. i may jus survive in dis ever changing competitive society full of conceited, fake ppl. i may jus pull thru.

if she's my mum,y do i despise her??

Tuesday, December 13, 2005, 1:00 PM

i calculated. in lyk 2 daes, we had 3 fights. in lyk a yr, we haf approximately more than a million fights. we live under e same roof, we c each other everydae. but WHY do i still despise her?? i would not use e word "hate" cos i tink it's 2 strong a word. yeah, i call my mum "bitch " behind her back(n once screamed dat word rite in her face) but now i no longer hate her so much cos she's still my mother. e woman who cares 4 mi, cooks 4 mi, take care of mi n everything. e only sole BIG problem wif her is dat she gets agiated easily.n when she gets agiated,she will jus scream n yell at mi without consideration of wad's rite or wrong n without takin into wad i feel or wadsoever. on last sun. we went 2 c houses near toh guan dere cos my parents considerin 2 get new hse den saw one unit dat my mum n dad lyk a lot dey wanna buy de but i totally hate it bcos it's decor is 2 old-fanshioned. so i told my parents dat. n my mum was lyk"mi n ur dad lyk dat decor so dat's y we wanna buy it n now u're so troublesome, stuff we lyk u DONT!!" n i was lyk:"wadeva, i jus dun lyk it, it's 2 old-fashioned" my mum was lyk"if only i knew dat u dun lyk i dun bring u 2 c dat hse!! wad kind of deco u want?!" i sae" more mordern stuff" my mum sae"dat hse's deco was pretty good, it use all e finest materials n haf marble floor!!" den i sae i jus dun lyk. n she lost it n screamed at mi in PUBLIC. my dad had 2 tear us apart. i mean hellooooooooo, i jus dun lyk dat hse, wad can u do bout it?! we haf diff taste, so wad? doesnt mean i'm wrong n u hafta scream at mi rite?! den la8 my dad made my mum 2 apologize. n i was lyk all cold 2 her. i sae i'm alredy used 2 ur consential screamin. den she was lyk"oh den nex time i dun needa apologize since u're so used le.aniwae dat hse since e owner not willin 2 sell 4 e price we offered, i haf a reason 2 tell e agent dat we're not going higher price cos my daughter dun lyk." n i did some serious mental eye-rollin. i mean u're not even serious bout dis hse n u hafta argue n scream at mi liddat???? dat's totally INSANE!!

n yesterdae she came home n she started naggin"put ur shoes bac on e rack, u tink our hse is dumpin ground izzit?!" den later"why din u put e ham bac in e fridge? u nid mi 2 remind u stuff liddat?!" den i was alredy fed-up le. she din came home 4 30mins n she start sayin stuff liddat. den later she ask mi 2 wash e dishes. den i sae i dunno how 2 wash e sauce-pan. den she sae use e washin liquid 2 wash jus lyk u wash other stuff. den i sae use wad thing 2 scrub e pan. n den she jus screamed"dun u even noe how 2 tink?! jus use e thing dat u normally use wif dishes!!" den it was I dat lost it. so i yelled"u wan mi 2 yell at u liddat?! huh?! it's very nice 2 yell rite?!?!" den she looked as if she wanted 2 slap mi, her brows all scrunched 2gether her face wif such distaste n hatred. n she screamed"dun u DARE talk 2 mi liddat!!" den i yelled n screamed till i had her speechless cos SHE was e one dat screamed at 1st not mi, she was in e wrong. den she jus screamed at mi bout some other stuff sae i dunno how 2 appreciate dat she cook 4 mi n everything n i jus pushed my fingers in my ears n plunged em dere 4 15mins straight. den la8 after dinner she was all smiles again. but i remained cold 2 her. she may b able 2 4get all e tears n yellin but not mi. she cant yell n scream at mi everytime whenever she lyk n hurt mi n den 4get all bout it. i cant let her do dat. she is outrageous,insane. she is a uncivilized ASSHOLE.

face e facts

Monday, December 12, 2005, 4:39 PM

jus another one of my complaints dat reality is sooooo cruel. n e society n ppl r so cruel 2. guess mi n iris will b good frenz huh? life SUX! umm sorri, a little high 2dae. den still haf choir n en our conductor make us sing so thick sound. dunno how she do it. head voice,thick,ringin tone n bright n loud. her voice's perfect!! n yeah jus realized dat i din link my frenz in choir yet...oops!

mayb u guys tink i'm a little anti-social. but no.mayb u guys tink i'm bitchy. mayb i really am sumtimes but i still wanna b frenz wif all of u out dere, even some ppl i used 2 consider as enemies. but i dunno how 2 b frenz wif u. will u accept mii? will u tink i'm crazi n ignore mi? somehow in P6 dere's no such complicated frenship problems lyk dis. gals all stick 2gethers. guys in another grp. i used 2 haf sooooo many BEST frens n good frenz in class. dere's no backstabbers at all. only a few fun friendly rumors flyin around...u noe, e stuff in a mixed sch.

neva had i tot dat once i get in nygh frenz will b so hard 2 make. esp GOOD ones. i dun see all e gals stickin out 4 each other...all i c is one grps of gals divided into their own frenship circles. thsoe circles stop every1 else from enterin. sumtimes when stuff turn worse, it'll get messy n ugly. backstabbers. 1st time i got those in my class. n i'm so disappointed dat it happens in MY class,nygh. i had not chose raffles cos i'm scared of such ppl n such things. guess i cant run away. cos those r facts...dey jus exist n u cant turn away from them. but WHY does such stuff happen?? stuff happen bcos of certain reasons. but y? is it dat way my p6 fren say? when guys n gals get mixed 2gether, guys become more mature n less crappy n gals become nicer n not so bitchy or competitive. perhaps. how i wish dat i can come up wif a reaosnable philospohy of WHY. bet my philospohy will get sooo popular cos it's ez 2 tell dat e society n e world is wonderin such problems. these complicated delicate social stuff r jus so HARD. i guess i cant get popular anywhere if i stay lyk dis. but is it really my fault dat i defend my own rites n not listen 2 u? cos it's not lyk u're my manager or boss or anything.we're all supposed 2 b EQUAL!! i've not backstabbed ppl or offended 'em. cos i dun tink dat's rite n it's mean. try 2 get in my shoes. i'm not popular. i dun get voted 4 anything rep or wadeva in class. i haf few good frenz. i'm being backstabbed. it's all not nice! i dun really wish 4 popularity. i jus wish 2 b more accepted. 2 haf more frenz. acceptance is e key. i really hope u all read dis. i really hope u guys can understand so as 2 build up dis delicate bridge of frenship dat connects ppl 2gether,united as ONE.

e reason WHY

Friday, December 09, 2005, 2:07 PM

my best fren from P6 asked mi again y i chose dis skin. n i'm not surprised dat she asked dis cos i noe dat it totally dun suit mi n my attitude!! dere's quite a lot of reasons y i'm not suited 4 dis:

1) 2 feminine, i'm not lyk dat kinda "i love u" gal
2) i'm not really into pink(as in color)
3) i've neva been in a "relationship" b4 cos in p6 when i'm in mixed sch, i'm jus 2 tomboi n i jus get myself into lots of fights(as in physically!!) wif bois. den now i'm in a gals sch which is not so much fun since many females of e same "species" grouped 2gether can cause a lot of "dangers"

i miss my p6 class(even e bois) not only bcos of we had so much fun 2gether n so united but oso bcos i totally miss those rumors in a mixed sch. u noe, dat "kinda" rumors: dis dis luv dat dat n all...thou i neva get any rumors(thank god dat i'm tomboi =p) but i totallyyyy luv makin them. i was a matchmaker once oso 4 my best fren n another good guy fren of mine. but so sadz...now dey spilt le cos dey not same sec sch. i mean when u r soooooo far away from each other, r u still gonna luv e guy whom u neva c 4 lyk more den 6 mths?? unless u r totally lyk "luv u 4eva i'll wait 4 u" n totally really absoulutely definitely LOVE e guy n faithful n willin 2 spend ur youth waitin 4 him n all, dis kinda long-dist relationships neva work out. rite, bac 2 topic:

i oso 4got 2 mention earlier dat i haf neva was "heart-broken" n listenin 2 my galfrenz in mixed schs bout all e guys dey liked n gettin steady n reading their love sms was jus a thing i'll neva get or experience or understand till i got 2 JC when i get into a "relationship". so one of my galfren was lyk "cant get over him" den countin e daes she had "fallen 4 him" after breakin up wif her bf. den she always rite those kinda stuff in msn which sumtimes drive mi quite crazi since it's not as if she totally luv dis guy n cant live without him n all. so u might be even more curious y i chose dis skin dere's only one reason:

THE MUSIC WAS SOOOOOOOOOO IRESISTABLE!!!!!!

so after takin this skin, i changed all e "lil notes" written below. changed stuff "u r wad make mi STRONG" into "i've got a backbone stronger den urs" n stuff liddat. basically it's jus mushy stuff into acceptable stuff(4 mi). i at 1st wanna make a big"my love 4 u" into "segregated" but i dunno how. if i noe, i definitely will do dat.

update

, 1:46 PM

2dae we haf a choir workshop n e st nics gals n tkgs came over n we sang 2gether. n our conductor was totally mad dat we sang so badly at warmups. warmups we do appegios n other excercises in order 2 get our throats 2 open up 2 sing high notes more cleanly n brightly later on. yeah den we learnt a new song in lyk 40mins(dat's considered veryyy short) den combined! dat song was really nice 2...den each song perform one song of dere choice. nygh performed e crazi nonsenstial song which we nicknamed" e coconut song" cos e lyrics translated into eng goes lyk "bcos i dun compose,i dun coconut eat. what dun eat coconut? no! i eat coconut! bcos dun compose i eat coconut i am crazy" yup it's totally crap n all rite? den after e whole choir workshop thingy, our conductor had e SCs(student conductor) n e presidents 2 reflect on wad dey had learnt n all those stuff...den on e 30th i'm still gonna go fairfield sec sch 4 anotehr workshop. dis one gonna haf a lot more sch. hwa chong alumni,HCJC,NJC,st nics all gonna b dere. n e stupid workshop goes up till 6pm. oh welllll sighh i suppose i haf no choice.

n den i'm so happi dat my swollen earlobe is healin n on e way e recovery!! =) yayyee!! now i can wear waddeva dangling earrings i haf ~grinz~ i'm totally waiting 4 xmas 2 come n i jus rmbred dat i din do xmas shoppin yet. den on e 31st dec i'm gg 2 my mum's annual office D&D which is dinner n dance so i tink we're gonna count down 2 new yr!! @_@ i luv D&D it's when every1 dress up nicely n den eat a nice formal dinner n den dance den celebrate new year 2gether. best part is lucky draw where every1 can bring home sumthing!! best dat my mum get some kinda big mall's vouchers again den i can go use dat 2 buy wad i want!!!!

missing

Thursday, December 08, 2005, 9:33 AM

yesterdae i jus saw totally cute yorkshire terrier or silky terrier(cant identify) without any owner...he was wearing a blue collor wif no tag. den he followed mi 4 a couple of minutes den he jus dashed across e road n thank god he was not hurt of anything, he jus crossed e road!! if he had an accident,i'll probably b sined 4 life!! omgggggg n i was totally helpless as i stood dere. e poor doggie was jus soooooo vulnerable n lost. panic.fear.can u imagine if u stood in dat doggie's point of view? u're lost wif no home 2 reside 2. u're wandering about hopelessly,ears pricked at any sound of danger n eyes wide.

avril lavigne's "nobody's home" is jus SUCH a good song 2 relate 2. n i'm feelin dat dere's nobody's home 2...cos it seems 2 mi dat mi n my parents r segregated by a glass wall...we can each other budd we cant understand each other cos we cant hear across e glass wall. n lack of understanding leads 2 loniless,depression n each time i feel dat my parents r dere visible,but again not totally dere. sometimes i jus curse 'em 2 get some parenting bks n enter parenting workshops 2 understand mi more...my mum kept tellin mi dat all her collegue's teenage kids r not so difficult. but i oso dun understand myself sumtimes. i jus lose it. n i dun get y i'm so mad or prone 2 attitude my parents. dat's y now i'm feelin dat i cant control my life. whoever dat said "life is in ur hands" is totally wrong. cos not it's outta control. not of wad i say n wad i feel but of wad i do. my conscience persuade e devil in mi 2 stop playin so much n go do hw. but it always seems dat e attempts were futile n e devil ALWAYS take over is dat rite? oh godddd, i seriously needa c a psychologist. i may b possibly MAD!

finally!!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005, 1:41 PM

finally i managed 2 find a reasonable blogskin n launched my new blog. from now on, i pledge 2 post all my tots here n dump my entire life,complaints n frustrations in print! since i dun haf much reasonable frenz, dis blog shall b e one i confide into. n may it b e bestest best fren i've ever had. okie n one i thing i noe dat dis blog is soooooo totally not mi n all but den it's e best dat i can find. i wanted sumthing more offensive n repulsive dat goes wif my attitude, not sum pinky black stuff wif "lurveeee" scribbed all over. but den e music was jus inresistable...mayb i should continue on scavenging 4 more appropriate n suitable blogskin. 4 now, this one's stuck! =) n i'll try 2 post more stuff dat's more suited 2 dis blog. c mayb wad u c here will not b e true mii in other words, i've alredy broken my pledge!!

infact i alredy tink dat e tone of dis blog is 2 fake. sighh fakin. how can i ever get rid of it?! it sticks onto every1 out in e cruel reality lyk plasters. mayb we're all tryin 2 conceal or heal e pain by puttin dat plaster on. by actin fake. by not shoutin out e stuff u wanna shout out. mayb dat scar will neva heal. or mayb it will if u put in euf effort n peel e plaster off slowlyyy mayb it will work...i promise dat once i find e rite blogskin, all e offensive tots n words will come out...in other words, e real mii will come out. oh godd...now dis sounds lyk i'm some tomboi dat cant stop cursin. ohh welllll...not dat i disagree...i AM a tomboi after all...