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Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
tell me
Tuesday, May 30, 2006, 5:55 PM
Tell me, O Lord,
why shall I care about others
when my own life is in a mess?

Tell me,
why shall I try and patch things up
when I can't patch myself up?

Tell me,
why shall I care about that hole in the ozone,
when there's a hole in myself?

Tell me why shall I work hard
when i don't even know what it's about?

Tell me,
why they can do it and I cannot
why they can run but I can only hop.
why they have control and I have none
why I should try to please y'all
when it just seems so insignificant,
so trival, so tiny and small?

They don't care and I won't,
they will not and i cannot.
I have tried to give everything breath.
but none for myself.
so before I suffocate and die(in myself),
let me tell you all these lies in my life.

dat was jus sth random dat i wrote 4 fun...cos i din want 2 do my maths ws. bleh. 2dae we had choir...tmr oso. corinna made us sing the same phrase for more than 50 times bcos e A2s cant get their stuff rite. ughh now my throat feels a little dry from blasting so much. den after choir go wif frenz to coro to haf lunch...discovered dat cafe wadeva has now turned into cafe werribee only wif diff ppl operating it but quite e same food n everything still looked e same. we sat a bus wif our seniors there den got off at e wrong stop all bcos of Jelly =.= n den sat e bus immediately after e original one n got off jus as our seniors in e original bus got off...so malu. dotz. i ate grilled teriyaki chicken n rice for 4 bucks. mm tmr still gg bc 2 choir 2 blast somemore. it helps actually cos i totally opened up my throat n my voice was focused yay! =) here's another "poem":

Hyprocrite
You shook off your shadow,
removed your mask.
Took flight
and I couldn't see who you are.
seems like
all along you're only pretending
to be
someone you're not.
You couldn't see past who you are
you're paper-thin, so easy to cut
You're hiding
away from yourself.

revive mi...
Monday, May 29, 2006, 1:34 PM
hee i'm here to revive my dead blog. never blog 4 so long le no time n alredy gave up on ms so long ago. hahax. aniwae my life is jus so messed up again bcos of my parents stuff...den rite now it's e 1st dae of the june hols n tmr i'll b going bac 2 sch 4 choir again so i'm slacking over here. mayb later when i finally get tired of slacking then i will go do my maths ws. wheee for the CA1 i got 3rd in class!!!!!!! XD! sorri...dun mean 2 boast but it's jus dat i got an overall of 75% instead of my EOY only 69%. yup. so i'm pretty happi. n my motto is work hard play harder so now i'm "playing" hard. eeeee i wan a new mag n i wan go shoppin 4 new clothes n assesories! cos rite now it's e singapore great sale lala so prices shld not b so high. oh n i NEED a new pair cos shoes cos my old one broke n i wanna buy one pair of flip flops as well. =) plus, i nid 2 buy some makeup 4 my 2 concerts in july. cos last yr i was on nygh FOA den i din bring any makeup at all den had 2 share wif my frenz so malu...bleh. 4 makeup i haf 0 knowledge in wad 2 get so hafta drag along my mom 2 help mi. hmmm den during hols mus oso go cut hair cos i totally hate my hairstyle now...it's jus so "no style" n my hair nids thinning. if it's too thick it'll stick up everdae i wake in e morn...eh looking bac wad i've typed...din really sound "me".

well todae i did little things...i watched a video den i did 3 lines of cross stitch b4 gettin bored then 4 e rest of e time i took personality tests on tickle.com n had my lunch so now i'm bloggin. sighh i really felt tired these daes bcos of all these things i'm getting now. my mum.. i dunno wad got into her she jus plonks herself down in front of e telly all dae once she gets home from work n she doesnt care bout cooking or cleaning e hse. which is really weird cos she's a clean freak even thou she herself's so messy. n den everything oso my dad do n he cooks reallllly badly so i hafta put up wif all those same dishes everydae or jus haf a same takeout at e same coffeshop... sighs. i'm really really realllly sick of my mum's stupid temper it jus flares up when she's in a bad mood she jus yell at every single little thing dat she doesnt like. like 4 yesterdae she was lyk phoning mi n my dad's hp several times when we were out playing badminton wif other ppl so OF COURSE we din hear her. who else would b carrying their hps when they're playing badminton? so after playing i went 2 e toliet of e sports complex to wash my face n all dat den she was phoning mi. so i got irritated she i wasnt excatly "nice" 2 her n den she jus hollers n all those "damn you" coming out. wadda hell is her problem?! it isnt like her 2 say damn it was owaes my dad. den she pissed both mi n my dad off IMMEDIATELY after we finished playing badminton. den we had 2 buy KFC 4 her cos she wanna eat n den go home still kanna scolded by her again cos she saes dat we neva get a drumstick 4 her. hellooooooo u already piss us off n it's good enuf dat we brought home e chicken still hot n here she is telling us why e hell we neva buy a drumstick 4 her????????? she was being so childish, so immature. doesnt she noe dat dad's tryin so hard to do everything in e hse while i'm tryin so hard to keep my grades in tact?! excuse mi but i neva had tuition b4 cept 4 dat psle year! n i neva did outside assessments bks n i neva nid 2 let my parents worry bout my grades dropping! so she was there complaining about how nobody tot of her, din even tink dat she likes 2 eat drumsticks. i mean dat is such a stupid small matter n she's yelling away bcos of dat?! doesnt she noe dat ppl get irritated w/ all dat screaming? doesnt she noe dat she's e one who's asking US to do a favour 4 HER?! who e hell do she tink she is?! jus bcos she in a bad mood can jus b so outrageous towards everyone?! weelll we're in a bad mood too! do we do dat jus bcos we're pissed?

okay so rite now we've bought a flat in toh guan dat my mum doesnt like. everytime anione bring up stuff bout dat flat in front of her majesty's face gets their head bitten off by her. wad's her goddamn problem?! nobody forced her 2 buy dat flat in e 1st place! nobody put a gun nex 2 her head n forced her 2 sign dat contract! it's a stupid choice dat she herself made n now she's taking us to vent her anger! dat's so damn unreasonable!! n den rite now my dad still hasnt managed to find a job so dat's wad worrying my mum a lot n i jus feel dat our daily routines been all messed up. my parents used to go IMM giant to buy provisions n veggies n all dat weekly but now dey dun do it anymore. they used to clean e hse on sat n den relax on sundae but now only my dad cleans a small portion of e hse. it's so frustrated to watch them n i jus feel so infuriated by all these stupid things. sighhhh

oops...i got into the wrong family!
Thursday, May 11, 2006, 2:05 PM
my to-do list:
-cd ws 6.3
-sc ws 5
-maths journal
-combined sia mag editing of some parts
-filing of LA, chinese n maths stuff
-stupid LA poem analysis. (see if i haf time den do)

i tink i was born in the wrong family. i lack of normal family life. my "family life" is my parents hysterically screaming at each other at every miniscule thing non-stop. my family life is mi not talking 2 my parents. my family life is being scolded by my mum 24/7. wellll...i haf a lot of other things dat other kids dun haf. i am an IP student in nygh, one of the best schs in s'pore. i can sing well, play piano gr6, play table tennis, speak 3 languages, swim and get at least A results 4 my report book. i am 170cm tall n only going on 14 and i'm not fat n i'm not ugly. what more can i ask for??????

BUT WHO E HELL AM I KIDDING???????? i may haf all those good stuff, the brains, the height, the talents etc etc etc but i dun experience a normal family. of all the normalest things ppl shld haf, it's a family. but mi, i have all those so-called "extra" stuff but i dun haf the normalest of normalest things. my family's so messed up. my parents jus yell at each other so damn frequently i cant stand it. n now we're about to move to a new bigger hse at toh guan then my mum jus walked out n said dat she's not gonna buy dat apartment animore! welll...i haf so many many times prayed dat i will haf a happy family. n so many many times my hopes haf been dashed. so now i no longer pray. cos i noe it cant work. i reassure myself anymore cos i owaes end up disappointing myself. n i hate 2 disappoint myself bcos dat is jus a hollow thingy n i'm an ambitious person. i want most of my things 2 run smoothly, nicely, without any hiccups in between. i dun wanna go optimistic cos being optimistic is lyk promising urself of a better sth or telling urself dat things will go better. but most of time, they actually dont. so i'm pessimistic bcos i'm not cheating myself, i'm jus admiting e way things r n how cruel the reality is. i seriously dun feel like talking about this crap anymore. these useless tots n sounds ringing in my ears. i wanna 4get them n b somebody else. i dun hafta b perfect. having all those good things doesnt help mi enhance my parents' relationship. i dun care about them anymore. go ahead. scream. cos i cant do anything, i'm not their brains. their brains seemed to haf malfunctioned n dey cant control themselves n dey cant seem 2 talk like normal ppl. however hard i pray, it's not gonna help cos i cant control anything.

i wish i can b somebody else who have parents who cant actually talk properly like a civilised loving couple. den i'll jus hafta control myself cos all those things dat i can do r all achieved by myself. my ability to speak french, play table tennis well, sing well, play the piano well, get good results all lie in my hands. so i can achieve those things by working hard. but i cant achieve a good family life cos they're not in my hands 2 control.

2dae jus came bac from the china embassy, had a freakin horrible time there wif my mum yelling at a lady working there n mi tryin to disappear from there cos i was jus 2 freakin ashamed of my mum. few daes ago, complete my feature mag =D(finally!!!!) n den ran 2.4km for 14.34 mins. i missed csm 2dae. dat's e only thing i'm gloating over rite now.

one whole dae of fun!!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006, 8:33 PM
lalalala...labour dae i had SUCH a fantastic time!! whoo..!! 9.05am reach j8 den went 2 ethel's hse. ate more than 5 types of chips n had a fun time drawing out costumes 4 our tombraider game. hate a fab lunch of pizza, chicken wings, fishball, pineapple rice. den went directly 2 j8 where we took 6 ppl neoprints n den shopped 4 2 hrs straight. got one new fancy blue frenship band n 2 new earstuds. one incredibly tiny blue one n one is a ring with carvings on e side. den still got one gigantic big black hoop earring dat i got on last sundae. i tink now i haf more than 12 pairs of earrings. lolx.

den after shopping, i decided 2 go home in e 1st place but decided against it cos my fren called mi n i discovered dat she at jec. so i walked 2 jec instead n den stopped at ntuc 2 get cookies n chips 2 bring bac 2 her hse to watch cable tv. so we watched cable 4 a while den played a little den watched the table tennis tournament china vs korea. den we all cheered madly 4 china den nearly got heart attack in e process cos one game nearly lost. but in e end both men n women singles table tennis got FIRST!!!!!!!! yay so proud. =D went bac home at 9.40pm...had such a nice day. jus realised dat e day was made possible by not having my parents there. lemme tell u my parents can ruin my good mood in jus less than 2 minutes.