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Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
why don't you just let me die
Monday, April 20, 2009, 8:14 PM
I think I have gone back being emo and embracing my sad pathetic life that is full of shit and routine in which I find nothing but pain. Yes, life is painful for me. I feel like I can't breathe these days. I put in so much time and effort only to get back crap results. That just completely and totally demoralises me. I shadn't say anything about pointless studying, but I totally hate it when I studied and put in effort but got back shit. It's just like a big slap right in the face.

And now I just can't find any motivation to study. I feel like I'm doing it for nothing. Since I'll be getting back crap even if I work my ass off. As expected, I screwed up my econs lecture test last week, or was that last last week? Time pasts so fast till it all becomes blurry and similar. Yup anyway I screwed that up, as well as my econs ILP which constitutes quite a considerable amount of percentage as well. I look at my econs ILP result and compare it with other groups' and I get bile rising up my throat. And today's bio test was just a killer. All the time and sleep I lost trying to memorise the structural and storage saccharides, the haemoglobin and collagen structure and the various different functions and structures of cells organelles amounts to NOTHING because they weren't tested at all. Instead, they tested a lot on water potential, which I couldn't answer. And I already 7 marks because I didn't even DO those questions that I couldn't answer. Which is just fucking fantastic. Now I can add it to the list of tests that I've screwed up, which consist of econs lecture test, math class test and chem class test.

And today we made the decision to pull out of SAGE because we simply don't have time for it any more. And it's not like we'd get anything out from it because so far we didn't learn anything at all. Everything is just so screwed up. Even my period is screwed up. And I'm just so tired of it all.

I'm hanging on what's left of my sanity by listening to Adele. Her soulful voice makes me calm and she won a Grammy by singing the song below, she's like the next best thing besides Tim Tam and Sara Bareilles.


10 crazy things I wanna do in the next two years
Sunday, April 12, 2009, 10:59 PM
I'm supposed to be doing my fugly math now but I can't get anything right so here goes:

1. Go backpacking with friends to somewhere nice and far.
2. Ride a motorbike with a guy wearing a dress! xD
3. Camp out at a friend's house for 1 week
4. See a movie marathon for 10 hours (while trying to stay awake)
5. Attend Zouk's year end countdown party at Siloso Beach
6. Wear outrageous outfits and walk down Orchard Road like a model
7. Get drunk (even though I hate hate hate alcohol)
8. Sleep at the rooftop of a HDB flat with friend(s) (I don't even know whether this is possible)
9. Go bungee jumping!
10. Go out just to chill or do crazy things with only one guy friend (any volunteers?)

That's all I can think of right now. 

And I've wasted my Good Friday long weekend away stuck at home doing nothing much all day cept to go out and eat St Louis Pork Ribs again at Cafe Cartel with my mum. Besides that, I've got no life ):

I want to be a guy some times so that my parents won't be so strict on me and let me run round crazy outside till midnight. And I wanna camp over at friends' houses or always go crash their houses for no reason. And I wanna act like I don't care about anything in the world cos guys won't have any stupid girl issues to take care of.

Sigh. I wish.

Anxiety kills the cat ;
Saturday, April 04, 2009, 2:48 PM

3:05PM.
Haven't eaten my lunch yet.
It just rained.

Mum's out before I even woke up. 
Alone.Athome.Mugging.
So far I've only finished math. wtshit.

What a life.

Overwhelming ;
Wednesday, April 01, 2009, 8:33 PM
There are so many many things going on lately I really don't know what to do and how to go about doing them. I didn't get selected to go for the europe trip during june. I didn't get into Interact Exco shortlisted applicants after yesterday's interview. The results were announced today after yesterday. Actually I was expecting it because after the interview, I had this gut feeling that I was not going to get in. It's easy to tell when your interviewers like you and have a positive feeling about you. At the interact interview, i just felt like i screwed the whole thing up and the exco was skeptical about what I was saying. It didn't make it any better that the pres was chao lian to everyone who was being interviewed. Now I really really hope I can be able to make it to fac com (though I think the chances of it is quite low since only one person can get through, out of 7 other people that are running for it).

Applying for things and not getting through still makes me feel bad. I know that I cannot always get what I want but it's just disappointing sometimes to find out that you were not good enough for something. And I just feel like applying for a lot of things, but a small voice in my heart is telling me that I'll end up with nothing because I'm lousy. Now I know everything adds up and accumulates. If you're not in some leadership position in nanyang, people kind of look down on you and think that you're not as good as those that are in some leadership position back in nanyang. I regret not being more enthusiastic about such things back in Sec 2. But the good thing is, I'm just glad that I've secured YAP and got selected out of so many others. And I've also been picked for a teacher to be the host for Arts Fest and now I'll have to prepare for it. I had reservations about taking it up at first but now I think I should do this kind of thing just once in my many years of schooling...

And academically, I also have so much work to do. Next week, I have math assignment test, chem class test 3 and econs lecture test. It doesn't help that I still don't really know how to write an econs essay...I've tried scheduling consult with my econs tutor but her schedule just clashes too much with mine that it's quite hopeless. I still have PI and Econs ILP due by next week as well. And this week, I have been and will be going home late for every day except for monday. But at least I have YAP carwash to look forward to tomorrow, I think it'll be fun!

I must learn to be my own cheerleader now and look at the big picture and work towards it. GO SITONG. GO SITONG AND HER FRIENDS!

(I can't say how much I love you guys ♥)