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Une fille comme moi
Je t'aime plus que hier, moins que demain ♥
Welcome to the blog of a 17yearoldgirl, where she posts her mindless musings and ramifications.
This is extremely private;
cos this is where she dreams, sleeps and cries.
She lives. 		"We can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences.
but our innocence goes awfully deep,
and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all,
and our horrid inner secret is that
we don’t care that we don’t."
give it up
Saturday, April 29, 2006, 5:23 PM
u noe how sometimes when u really detest a person n den wadeva dat person do u oso pick at it?? u noe how sometimes ppl can find glee in saying mean gossips about others? well i guess dat's how everything is. one man's pain is the nex man's pleasure. one man's trash is e nex man's treasure. from the start of pri sch, we haf been robbed of our innocency. here's wad mothers teach us: dun let ur frenz copy ur hw answers!! here's wad happened 2 mi in P1: met a old teacher wif old teaching methods of which consists of spanking students whenever they made a tiny mistake. here's wad happened 2 mi in P3: met a bitchy gal who fake tears in front of relief teachers whenever possible cos all e gals ignore her cos she's so bitchy. mi n e rest of all my galfrenz teamed 2gether 2 ignore n we often ask 2 b excused for toliet breaks n "meet up" in e toliets 2 talk about dat gal. mi n my other best fren wanted 2 get in our sch's aviary where a lot of parrots, chickens n pigeons r kept. we sneaked a look at the password n tried 2 open e cage when e sch janitor's not lookin. den we discovered dat we had too little strength to open e aviary door. P6: had e best time ever wif my class includin e guys. everyone was jus e way they were. we all got along very well. not lyk now, if u place sb nex sb 2 seat in class it will get awkward. back den we were jus comfortable seating wif anyone. n there were no cliques---we all jus sat at one long table during lunch. i really missed dat.

so now as i went into sec sch, all my baby innocence's gone. i met cliques. i met bitches. i met backstabbers. not jus in my class!! it's all over e sch. n now i have summarised one sentence on how to cope all these: ignorance is bliss. when sb backstab u, it's best not 2 noe n it's best not 2 rmbr n it's best not 2 tink about it AT ALL. when sb backstab u, jus dun mind about it n dun take it to heart. it's difficult but it works. n dat's life. it's hard 2 live wif.

plus now i'm not sure wad i'm going thru. adolescence? cos my parents turned from being my "frenz" in pri sch to now being "the most annoying ppl in e world". 2dae we had another full hse shoutin rally. it seems so hysterical!! we jus dun seem to haf normal conversations anymore. whenever they sae sth, it was either lame or an order or telling mi wad 2 do nex. it's hell. i guess i jus hafta live wif it. give it up. who said life was easy? here's e lyrics of a rap song i composed:

All that fakeness
jus one quick walk down on the street
u'll see these gals actin like celebrities
jus fake Barbies with e same fake clothes
all talkin n walkin in e same fake mode
as if e street is a fashion show.
wearing mini-skirts n touching up make-up
every few mins n drinking coffee in cups,
living their life with e same code of conduct
it drives mi crazi 2 see them there
tryin 2 act like they dont care
flauntin off in front of all those bois
i wonder wad more dey got in their life

CHORUS
i guess
that all that's in their world
is makeup bois n tryin 2 act like innocent little gals.
i tink
they jus dun realize
there's much more to life
than all that fakeness there.

they wear a mask daily b4 they go 2 sch
they tink smokin n drinking is jus so cool.
they say: "heck, we're only young once"
and damnit they're rite,
but they're jus partyin all nite
and thrwoing away their lives
they need dat one moment of pleasure
but after pleasure comes anger
for e guys got them pregnant
n left them liddat
just threw them away like a dirty old mat.

CHORUS

it's there, their future should b bright.
it should b full of hope n faith n light.
but wad's there is a big black hole
starin at them, make them feel so cold.
it's there, rite b4 their eyes
but they dun see it, dey dun realize.
they try to ignore n dey try 2 run
but dey cant outrun reality
cos they're jus lying themselves, foolin it
dey need their popularity.
they to wear those clothes
otherwise they're be outcasts
in this freakin high sch.

CHORUSx2

you dunno mi
Thursday, April 20, 2006, 9:11 PM
another busy wk. last wk good fri keep on wanting to blog but no time. gawd i'm owaes so busy these daes i haf no time 2 tink properly. last good fri was still in my memory clearly. we had a freakin good time. n jeanie told mi dat it was the 1st time their CG so spontaneous n enthu! which is sooooo gr8. we watched narnia den later discussed about its relation wif God and Jesus. we played whacko lyk siao larx. den everytime someone b whacker hafta eat one huge spoonful of food. lols. den at e end we threw some guy into e swimming pool dey had in e condo. cos we go Velda's condo 4 the thingy. boos...i wanna go jean's church again!! i wanna b christian!! ohh well dist prob. guess if my mum got a car it'd b easier...but now they busy lookin at hses cos we gettin new home. i guess my parents sick of e current hse.

2dae stay bac after sch 2 do sc project. den bianca, eugena n cheryl at 1st oso there 2 do sc proj but dey din haf anything so dey ended up prankcalling n entertaining mi n jean. god dey were SO funny!! i laugh till my stomach pain k. yay prank callin is fun. but i cant do. if i do, i surely laugh till i cant stand up anymore de. sighh...these daes still quite e same larx. a lot of stuff messy n now i hafta stand by my frenz side 2 support them =( i hope dis will pass soon. i was wondering how come some ppl cant get along wif others n y some r so gossipy. i dunno ppl. ppl dunno mi. i no longer feel lyk being fake now dat i haf true frenz but i still ponder about life.

stuff like y is there a person called ME. how come my parents r who dey r. is there a buddha or God willing to guild mi? i used 2 tink in a philosophical way dat since humans are gonna die n life is such a bore, y bother living it. 1) cos we dun dare 2 suicide. 2) cos we're scared of death which is an uncertainty. 3) ppl are mainly jus scared beings. too cowardly 2 take such big risks n too selfish 2 tink of others. SO many ppl r now doing things 2 shorten everyone's lifespan in a indirect way. those ppl burning those incense n paper, no offense but they're polluting the earth. ashes floating everywhere, bad air, n completely charred ugly ground surface. i seriously duno y their god want them 2 worship in dat particular selfish manner. tolerance. those factories happily choppin down trees, burning trees, dumpin chemicals into e sea, throwing great masses of rubbish into e ocean...wadda hell is their problem? tolerance. PLUS those ignorant ppl jus going on wif their lives tinkin dat if dey had good health dey live good life dey lead rich lives, everything will b ok. dey dun stop n tink about others mor do dey care about the homeless. some rich ppl organise fairs 2 save the animals jus bcos dey want 2 c e animal there as a decoration 4 their own entertainment or jus 2 haf "face". dey dun gif a shit about e orphans n homeless n ppl suffering from diseases in 3rd world countries. instead, dey tink dat e ppl there r "ppl who jus do it anyhow n it's their own fault 2 get STDs". those teens buyin new clothes 2 fit e trend n buyin new hps every mth. those rich ppl tinkin dat jus bcos i go 2 a concert or a musical, i enter charities, i'm respectable. *snorts* dey r so FAKE. pointless.

i'd love 2 tink e whole world is illusionary. den i dun hafta give a fuckin damn 2 anything at all. oh well...guess i'm in a swearing mood 2dae 4 no reason. i'm a little *ahem* high 2dae.

from a different persceptive
Thursday, April 06, 2006, 6:25 PM
a lot a lot of stuff happened dis wk. i'm gonna blog bout all of them n make dis a lonnnnng one. well i mondae, i got really drenched by this huge THUNDERSTORM n mi n mabel was sharing one small umbrella n shared a jacket. i wore one sleeve on my right arm n she wore e other on her left arm. lolx. den half of our body was wet n our shoes became puddles of water. so in e mrt, we took off our socks n shoes n aired out feet lol. den we put a bag in front of our feet heex. on tues, we were supposed 2 go 4 CIP den ltr told us there's dis crappy competition. so we got in trouble in e competition n dat's bcos we disrespected a teacher. n we whispered during e competition n at first it was ok, e teacher jus scolded us sae wadeva very disappointed wif our behaviour dat usual. den he dismissed us n some of my classmates were lyk cheering very loudly. so he asked us 2 stay bac. n of course our class din take him seriously we jus laughed when he scolded us. n u noe wad he said? he pretended as if he were some high n mighty KING!! he was lyk: i'm very disgusted wif ur behaviour. what a disgusting class!! i will complain immediately to your form teacher mr han n HONG lao shi -.-" den we jus laughed cos he got e name of our teacher wrong! den he was lyk: wipe dat smile off ur face! dat is e stupidest smile i've ever seen! those who laughed jus now , stand up!! *we all stood up even those who din laugh* den he continue: not dat u all haf a good reputation! *slam books* not dat u all not notorious*slams books* u will get it from me! i will tell the student welfare to punish u all! now get out!

can u believe a MALE teacher said dat?? so now dat teacher complained 2 the hol n e hol will "look into this matter n punish accordingly". n he want a sincere apology. all bcos of one teeny tiny matter. wadda helllll. den some of classmates sae we can oso complain him 2 e MOE. even if we disrespect him he oso cant scold us "disgusting" or "stupid" rite?! dat is lyk verbal abuse!! hate him. den on wed, we had watoto children choir performing in our audi!! all those kids either lost one of both of their parents 2 AIDS in uganda den now they're doing a tour all over e world 2 raise funds 2 save more children. dey were very disciplined n polite n probably more matured as well. den todae(thurs) my french buddy came!! den i showed her around during e whole 30min recess break n got a lot of curious glances at us. but i tink she's not really used 2 e food sold in the canteen. she bought spaghetti but my frenz all finis their food n dey start 2 leave den she still didnt cos she tink dat e spaghetti was too long n e chicken chop was too big. den cos dey western dey normally eat owaes use fork n knife to cut e food into bite size pieces. guess dat she's not used 2 jus eating n biting it whole. lolx.

den jus now, my parents lectured mi again on y i treat them so coldly. well it's bcos i'm very sianded by everything dat dey sae n dey owaes ask stupid qns n expect mi 2 answer bac wif a cherry face. problem is i cant bcos i'm sian n i cant fake smile cos i'll b masked n i cant stay excited or enthu or interested in their monogue. my mum was lyk asking: wad did u buy for ur fren's bdae? i told her water bottle. mum: wad brand? mi:sth u dunno mum:jus tell mi wad brand it is. mi: billabong mum: wad's e price? mi:$11.90 mum:how many ml can it hold mi:~mental eye rolling~ i dunno. pleez like dis kinda conversation can make anione bored n she expects mi 2 answer every question wif enthusiasm?! gawd. plez. i cant get 2 c her persceptive. e thing is she doesnt understand wad i'm feeling n if i tell her, she wouldnt wanna hear wad i wanna sae so she wants mi 2 comply wif her cos she tinks she's my MUM. jus one pathetic reason liddat. someday i'm gonna b decimated by her!!

urge
Saturday, April 01, 2006, 10:20 AM
i haf yet another urge 2 change my blogskin...sighh. mayb dat's bcos of mood swings these daes. it's not ez to b a teen. i was tinking how come parents dun understand dat we nid freedom at all? sure they worry about us "4 our own good" budden dey dun realize dat dey r actually making us hate them. werent they teens b4? dun dey noe how 2 protect us n take care of us WITHOUT hurting our rights??! dey wanna read our blog n check our hp 4 "bad" sms. dey force feed us 2 eat e food dat dey noe we hate hate hate a lot. dey refuse to let us play 4 littlest while but they'll luv 2 c us studying at e table 4 2 hrs straight. i mean wad r parents here for?! prisoner warden?! they jus dun realize dat we're all grown up n we dun nid their help or decisions or commands anymore!! we haf BRAINS we can do things ourselves ok?!

how e hell can we make them understand wad we r feeling. they owaes tink jus bcos wad they r doing is good 4 us, dey can use wadeva ridiculous method 2 do it. so wad if e stuff they're doing r 4 our own good? it make us hate them!! n everytime i feel like blowing up n screaming i hafta tell myself: dey r trying 2 make u better, take a step bac n dun b so stubborn..blah blah blah. but i wonder whether dey will do dat too. haf dey actually tried 2 put themselves in our shoes?! dey most definitely didnt. cos if dey did, dey will not treat mi so stupidly. i seriously wan my parents 2 go 4 parenting lessons. so damn fed up.

oh welll...at least e good ting 2 look 4ward is dat my french fren will b coming over 2 my sch nex wk! =D cant wait 2 c her. wad's wif e freakin blogskins.com?! it take lyk 10mins 2 display a single page. i feel lyk pinching someone....mayb i'll cook 2dae. i feel lyk cooking. mayb i'll try making a shepherd's pie =) or a mango-grass jelly dessert. lalala. i suddenly feel ok again. when u look in e mirror who do u c? i c a gal tryin 2 b accepted n not left out everytime when it's time 4 a grouping. i c a gal tryin hard 2 withstand e criticism taunting her. i c gal tryin hard 2 b strong n happi cos she promised herself 2 do dat. i c a gal who's gonna scream n blow up any dae soon. e gal may haf a mask. i'm not sure. i've neva seens her without e mask. it's hard. life's hard. ce n'est pas juste.