today's teacher day performance was not too bad...i esp like 409's 1st performance is was really cute n touching. 108's song had great lyrics but their singing reallllly sucked. local delight's uncle n aunty ROCKED! i had NO IDEA dey could dance so well. lol. oh welll xinyu was joking dat next time can tell them "hey aunty, when u danced dat time you looked like you were 10 yrs younger!" n den get more food. hahax. ohh n the class party was not really too great compared to other classes but HEY! we had a gigantic chocolate cake! wheee dat cake was great. thnx vic! there was chips, yumi's trademark sausages, drinks, jelly, cookies n nuggets. (: den our class had this throw-peanut-in-e-air-n-catch-it-in-ur-mouth comepetition. XD all started by yannie. boo nannieeeeeee. i had to sweep all e peanuts up on e floor. i'm hungry. i didnt eat lunch and when i got home, i discovered dat the 2 chocolate elairs i decided to keep at home to eat for lunch had "mysteriously" disappeared. >.<

peanut earrings is the LATEST THING!!!! mi n yannie both had one on one ear. i went home n used wire to make it into a real earring dat i can wear nex time! hahax. oh n HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!!!!!!

okie let's hear it. the good news or the bad news first? the good news is dat i showed my dad the maths test results n he scolded mi for not caring so much about the maths test beforehand n jus focusing on the negative points of not having enough time, the qns too hard. he said even thou the test was hard i shouldnt have gotten below avg. i reminded him dat i got below avg as well for my maths eoy last yr. heh heh. n den he said dat i shouldnt have lost so many marks for the histogram n graph qn n said dat bcos i neva practice enough i lost those marks. sighh i cried again. cant believe i did dat. again. )':

the good news is dat i jus managed to get merit for my gr6 piano. 120! oh well at least i got merit. i can strike dat off my wishlist. so sad dat i never got distinction for piano exams before. but i only took a total of 3 piano exams in my life. n one theory test. n my teacher taught gave mi the scores for flight of the bumblebee and moonlight sonata movement 1. not to mention last wk she gave mi a whole book of photocopied paul senneville scores! yay. i chose to learn the moonlight sonata 1st cos it's only 3 pages long it's only adagio. flight of the bumblebee is PRESTO which brings the tempo up to 200 or more n den it's 6 pages long. hmmm my parents r out again. ytd dey went to buy furniture from 12am to 10pm. these days dey owaes so "busy". i cant find anybody to accompany me to cut my hair. so in the end i didnt cut it. i'm too scared to cut my hair myself. lol. i was tinking of adopting a cat when i move into my new flat. nex tue i'm gonna have CIP wif 202 n miss recording! YAYNESS. i HATE recording. one song sing like more then 5 times. n owaes drag till so late. my voice was hoarse after thursday and friday. but no choice. *phew* i'm giving ms teng a teacher's day card! i'm only giving her a card cos i dun tink the rest of the teachers deserve anything. muahaha i'm mean.

sighh feeling so yu4 men4. wad's the world becoming to? nth but selfishness, pollution and uneeded lies. all those stupid mags focus on how to make YOURSELF more beautiful and wad all the celebs do instead on how to make THE EARTH more beautiful. those poor celebs. they're being watched by e media 24/7 n the those stupid ppl who buy the mags wanna look at the celebs' lives n comment on their wadeva slutty behaviour instead of looking at their own lives. pathetic. this jus shows how shallow ppl r.

I tear myself open,
I sew myself shut.
my weakness is
that i care too much
and my scars remind me,
that my past is real.
I tear myself open
just to feel.

ok...i nearly failed my maths. damn it. i dun wanna tink about it or wadeva. but a lot of ppl oso got low. but 25+ for maths 4 mi is jus too lousy. i cant even scrape a 30+ i feel like such a failure. n jean, u noe u were like living corpse after getting back the results n all n u even said some scary horrible things(u noe wad i'm talking about. if u ever ever do dat thing i'm gonna die too) n i jus kinda blocked the tot of maths outta my mind cos i was like tinking: heck, alredy get this low, cant do anything to change it i'll b wasting my tears if i cry. so i jus told myself not to cry cos if i do, i'll hate myself 4eva. hahaax. at least my other subjects were not too bad. chinese, hist, science all ok. only dat i hate getting so little for e LA compre thou our whole class got around dat. but i still feel like dying. grahh why isnt lex online?? i needa complain to him bout e whole damn thing.

still gotta give it up to my mum for pissing me off with one sentence in 30 secs. her one stupid comment can make mi feel like shit for 1 hr n she doesnt even care or realises it. i got to eat outside food again cos my mum didnt cook. ugh. i HATE coffeeshop food. den after i came back from getting e food my mum was like "did u get back ur piano exam results? cos my friend's daughter got it back already and she got 130." mi:"why do u need to tell mi this?" mum:" cos number one, she got back already and number two, she got distinction. n den suddenly i feel like pouring all my food on her head or something. so i sat alone at e dining table trying to eat the horrible food n feeling incredibly pissed. i dun want to hear and i dun need to hear all those stupid things. can u like SHUT UR FREAKING MOUTH?! y does she owaes choose to "care" about mi in such an annoying way? is her friend's daughter a sec 2 girl who returns home practically everydae at 6pm n wakes at 6am?! so wad if her friend's daughter in GPE? if u tink i'm bad enough thank god 4 not getting a even worse daughter in a neighbourhood sch! STOP comparing mi with other ppl! i hate being compared! it was all a stupid lie when u said u tot my results were quite good. wait till i show you my maths test n i'll see wad u say! T_T

i really really reallllllly wish i wasnt alive. too bad i'm way too scared to commit suicide. wad's the purpose of life anyway? aniwae for today's lang art's test, i jus took in my mock essay n copied everything. heng jus patroled around for like 10 mins b4 she sat down. wadevaa. i dun wanna care anymore.

rite. i blew up. i completely lost it. i cried over my dumb maths test. i cant believe i cried over some stupid little thing like dat. after coming back home, i told my mum: this time maths test i alredy died cos i din have enough time to finish all those questions. at LEAST 8m minused off bcos i din finish it. may minus 9-10m oso. den plus all those dat i careless did wrongly etc. i guess i will get B3 again. sighhhhhh after last maths test scoring a high of 44/50. guess this time gonna drop to an all time low huh? so i told my mum dun expect i get too good this time. n den she jus said(concernly) "i'm very worried about ur maths. everytime u owaes tell mi dat u dun have confidence over ur test. u noe maths is the MOST important subject cos u needa study it all e way to university n even beyond dat as well. if u have a problem with maths, u must solve it now! if not it'll be too late. u mus spend more time for maths since this is a subject u struggle at. do u need tuition for maths?" n i jus lost it. i jus cried n screamed at her. cos i guess i was too emotionally n physically drained. i dun feel like hearing all those things dat i dun wanna hear about maths.

i feel dat i alredy tried to revise a lot n i dun haf any much more time to offer to maths. i haf 3rd lang n piano n hw n other subjects JUST AS IMPORTANT AS MATHS to handle. i dun want a fucking tuition either cos i dun wanna deal wif any more maths outside sch. like as if i dun haf enough maths lessons alredy! X( i jus dun like my mum saying all those things i dun wanna hear. so i jus screamed n retorted back at her. so i started a tirade n jus rebut wadeva things she said. i oso dunno y i suddenly feel so angered. i guess i jus had too much things going on n too many things bottled up inside mi dat i decided to let it all out since she tried to pull out my cork. yup dat's rite i exploded. so now i have a stupid headache.

but thank god lex was online at dat time or i would have cried n cried like mad esp after MY mum lost it n shouted at mi. i dunno y but i guess talking wif him owaes make mi feel better cos i he owaes so lame go n crack so many jokes n den divert my attention n make mi not feel so depressed. i guess i needa thank him for being my friend!! X) i tink nowadays students n adults r all so stressed. some of my frenz haf many out of sch lessons n tuitions n den some of them haf aep n 3rd lang together oso. sighhhh so stressed out wif so many tests n projects to do. jus as adults are stressed to work n earn money everyday to support the family. i wish everyone can jus slow down or stop to wonder about more better things in life to make our whole life more meaningful...instead of jus hurrying about everydae doing our own things n not caring about others. we dun get any more nice music for all those classical instruments and we dont get famous paintings anymore. cos i guess we're jus too busy to wonder about those seemingly "trivial" things. n dat's a sad fact of life.

oh welllll i changed skin!! cos i feel like trying out this kind of layout. :) n i like e font used. it's so cute! XD i 4got to blog bout cross country as usual. we sang national day songs at e top of our lungs n i guess we're all much more united. i din see a single class walking together as the walking party n having so much fun at e cross country!! ^_^ plus now we sat in nines. dat's so fun! even thou it's pretty hard to get in n out of my seat. i'm busy preparing the maths test n i'm real scared dat i do sth of concept problem! i suck at algebra blehs. even thou this time it's indices but still it still includes "find x" qns. i guess later i'm going marina bay wif parents to watch fireworks. heard it on radio dat it's at 9.

speaking of which, i guess i din celebrate national day at all. i jus stuck at home slacking around. on tue, i revised maths. did all those maths test paper. on wed, i went out in e afternoon for 3 hrs n went to select furniture wif parents since we're moving hse. on thurs, it's meeting for the science sia. but it's FUN! i felt so SOOOOO proud at e end seeing dat our toy can work. n i guess while i'm here blogging, xy n cs are busy working up a toy package for our toy. wheeeeee =) i'm moving to toh guan. it's very near to IMM and the JE mrt station. n i'm requesting my parents to deco up my room jus e way i want it! i tink i'm either gonna chose white or very light blue to paint my rm. den i haf a low japanese styled bed. i'm changing all my furniture as well. den we're gonna buy a new L-shaped sofa as well as a big tv rack. den for the corridor i'm gonna put a big portrait on one side of e wall n on the other i'll put up a big mirror. it'll be reallllly nice. i cant wait to move into e new hse but i guess it will take at least till sept cos e renovation havent start yet.

here's some poems dat i found very very nicely-written:
Water is pure, day is clear
thoughts purge, release all fear
fog lifts off a cluttered mind

clouds break slow, I can see
many roads ahead of me
take this and use it as I wish

Fog has lifted, the cluttered mind
rain is gone, storms unkind
soon I will be gone again
soon I will be gone

i'm seriously tooooo tired. WAYYYY too tired. sighhs. 3 tests in a row, one speech and one sc sia in the process. if not for the national day break, i seriously will break. break into many pieces. grahhhhhhh. after today's dance lesson, my body broke. now my left knee haf 3 bruises n my muscles ache all over. but thankfully i got a free gym fiesta tix!! dat really made my dae. even thou the gym performance was not wad i expected. i meen the gym content inside is only like 60% while the others r all dances. 2 tell u the truth, i dun tink 12 bucks is worth it. i mean those gym gals dey did great n all but it would seriously b better if they include more individual floor routines n pure gym performances. those gym performances wif a lot of ppl doing "tumbles" was not really dat fantasic. i enjoyed the individual floor performances much more.

ohh welllll i seriously tink dat the sch is purposely making the tests so hard. science, hist, chinese. none of them was "okay" jus really really realllyyyyyy hard. i'm so fucked up. now my parents r bothering mi 2 get off the com. shall not.

the present students i tink r really jus too pressurized. esp students in china. those poor kids woke at 5am plus everyday and sleep at 12midnite plus everydae. all dey want is a little bit more sleep. den during the wkends, dey haf several sch n outside tuitions, making them haf no time to njoy life and do the things dat interest them. all dey do is STUDY STUDY STUDY. cos if dey dont, dey wun get into the good schools of the city n once dey get into bad schs, their future is immediately dimmed. it's jus simple as dat. i really LOVE the western education. it seems to take place in such a good environment and there's not much hw. the pupils get to practice their chrisma skills and dat really help them in terms of their speech ability. now, most ppl i noe dun even noe how to speak proper ENGLISH OR CHINESE. dey speak a broken jumbled mixture of everything including malay n hokkien. n some of them r even proud of it. wad's the use of speaking so many languages when u cant even one language properly! even some of the students dat i noe do dat. so basically, i dun tink singapore is a really bilangual country. u cant call urself bilangual when u can only speak broken pieces of everything. dat's not an insult. it's an observation.

TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE:
-stop commercialism
-stop polluting the earth n exploiting its resources
-protect all kinds of animals even those which are NOT endangered
-do a good deed everyday and pass ur smile on
-influence others to pass on ur good deed by doing 3 other good deeds (from bianca's speech! XD)
-wipe out all tots of branded goods n jus be urself
-educate those fake ppl not to b fake
-it's ur attitude n ur world so do all u can to make it better