Une fille comme moi

Une fleur dans l'orage

Thursday, July 31, 2008, 6:03 PM

Somebody tell me to stop eating so much junk!
Today was just the 2nd day of my experimental dieting and I've already went against my own promise and ate extra junk food. I don't understand which part of my brain keeps on sending signals for me to eat eat eat.
After a sandwich and a cup of sliced watermelon during lunch, I went to buy famous amous cookies after school and then went home and cooked up 6 onion rings for myself using virgin olive oil(since there were no oil left in my house). Ate the onion rings with ketchup, wanted a glass of milk but thankfully, there were no more left too. Raided the fridge and discovered that there were nothing left for me to eat(no fruits, no veggies) and managed to resist the temptation of grabbing another packet of biscuits. OMG. (Jingjing save me! I'm infected with your disease too.)

J'espère que je peux devenir une fleur dans l'orage. Une fleur que sera tenant toujours, après l'orage. A flower that is still left standing after the heavy storm will be the prettiest and strongest flower ever. No matter where the wind blows or how the rain beats or how the lightning and thunder crack, under the open sky in a vast field of grass, the last little flower standing will always be the prettiest. I need to be that little flower. 微微的小花一定要为爱它的人绽放着！I need to concentrate and focus everything in preparation for EOYs and stop wasting my time blog-hopping or falling asleep during boring bio lessons or disgusting AMC competitions.

我想, 偶尔我们也应该骗一下自己，这样才会变得更坚强。

Not worth turning back

Wednesday, July 30, 2008, 9:32 PM

You said today was the 100th day anniversary since the passing away of my yeye. You went out and bought incense, paper money, mourning flowers and whatnot simply for that. You light the incense and the smoke made me cringe...The smell, it brings gloom to this house. You want me to do the same. I'm sorry if I hurt you when I turned you down. I cannot bring myself down onto my knees and offer incense to a person that I do not want to remember. I cannot bring myself to look at my deceased yeye's picture and pretend that I miss him when I do not. I simply hope he continues to be peaceful and that's it. I'm sorry.

I do not understand. I don't understand why you do the things you do, why you had to put pictures of only your side of the family in the study and look at them everytime you walk past and the disgusting rotten oranges you brought back from China from my yeye's funeral. I do not understand why you cannot just put things aside and stop flipping through the old pages of your memories. I do not understand why you have to burn paper money and pollute the environment when our family doesn't even believe in that at all. What is gone is gone, nothing you do will bring it back, do you understand? So why not you try to spend more time THINKING about your actual family members that lives under the same roof with you instead of calling back every single week back to the people that I'm now starting to dislike in China?

Please. Don't make me do things I dislike to do. Don't make me pretend. I do not want to remember somebody who I don't really know, despite him being related to me by blood. But what I do know, is that this same person was one of the main reasons why I had to be sent to nursery boarding school when I was 4/5 years old. And I hate him(them) for it.

Look at ME. I'm here. Look at MOM. She's here too. We're your family. Even though sometimes we're cranky women, but we're part of the family YOU helped to set up. You have the responsibility for us more than you have responsibility for the family in China, even though I think it's highly unlikely that you ever acknowledge or even realise that. Please. Just stop this and drop it once and for all. I understand that he's your dad, and he's my yeye but I feel that it is respectful enough to remember the deceased once a year, because all those things are just not worth turning back.

(Previous related post here)

ZOUK Beatnik Party (Night Fest II)

Monday, July 28, 2008, 7:23 PM

Today was cross country...for the first time, I got the role of a student helper so I didn't need to walk/run. I went to watch THE DARK KNIGHT with qianwen and bearbear after cross country and I must say that I am really falling in love with batman! I used to be a big spiderman fan...I had watched every single spidey movie on the big screen once it was out. But now after watching batman, I've realised that batman has a much stronger plot with more complicated and scheming characters(villians) as compared to spidey. Every spidey movie is always:

1) New villian formed

2) Villian wreaks havoc and spidey tries to stop him but nearly dies

3) Spidey tries to save his girlfriend (the girl is always held hostage like 90% of the time)
4) Spidey wins! Villian dies and spidey and his girlfriend kisses

But Batman is different! Batman is about the fight between good and evil, it contains many issues like the concept of justice in people, the concept of heroes and whether it is morally correct to spy on every person via there mobile phones and invade their privacy in order to find the bad guy. The complicated plot involving all these plus Batman's love, Rachel Dawes, makes the movie more interesting, deep and dark. Batman is more realistic because he relied on all his cool scientific gadgets, instead of sheer superpower like spidey. PLUS: I am totally in love(or maybe creeped out) by the portrayal of The Joker by the late Heath Ledgers, because it is very very very very X10^99 good. The way he talks, the way he carries himself is all very alike to what was depicted in the comic. The Joker does not want money, he just wants to be a terrorist that creates chaos to the people of Gothem City. He wants to prove that Batman is a freak, just like him, and that the so-called civilised people in Gothem are actually not civilised at all in desperate times. He wants so show that people are evil and selfish deep inside their hearts but he had only half succeeded(he turned Harvey into a monster but his stupid social experiment on the two ships had failed). I am so going to be looking forward to the third sequel. Meanwhile, read this analysis on The Dark Knight:
http://actionfilmscomedies.suite101.com/article.cfm/a_film_analysis_of_the_dark_knight

Anywayyyyy, the Zouk beatnik party wasn't as wild or as high as I thought it would be, even though the breakdance bboy battles were extremely cool and the MC Battles extremely vulgar =.= Me and jojo had to go instead with a red wristband on our wrist because we were 16 only.

The bboy crews were pretty good, I didn't expect singapore to have such good breakdance performancers, but their footwork, freezes and tricks were all very "WOW".

Here are the pictures and one video. The pictures were blurry because the dancers were simply moving way too fast for me to get a clear and good picture ): The lighting in the video sucked as well...I guess you'd just have to make do!

The party was hosted by Masia One, a Singapore born Toronto based MC. Shown here is her highing on her own D: HAHAH...the audience was sadly, only high when she was throwing out free CDs. And next to her is DJ Coldflow. I think he spins pretty well.

One of the graffiti art pieces. I think this one won the 2nd place. (Edited with Lomo effect again :P)

Bboys battle for 3rd and 4th place.

Bboy "sunshine" showing off his tricks. Just look at the blurr of the legs...I think that he had the fastest footwork in all the other competitors.

SMU hip hop dancers gives a satisfying performance (:

DJ Shortkut spinning...people at the front of the stage going a little high, while people at the back stones and watches. I was in the middle, so I just danced a little bit.

Overall, the party was only so-so...I had expected a more "high" crowd, with more crazy partying, so I was a little disappointed with this one. I think if it was really inside the ZOUK compound, or in MOS, it will be much more better and cooler :D And some day when I become of age, I'd really really like to go to the clubs in Clarke Quay too, because some of them have seriosuly cool themes, such as fashion bar, The Arena and "Yue" etc.

That's all for today. 爱你们这些忠实读者。[抱抱] 和我一起期盼北京奥运的到来吧！

All hyped UP

Saturday, July 26, 2008, 2:14 PM

I decided to change my blogskin yesterday, was getting a little tired of the old one. Tried more than 10 blogskins before deciding on the current one on its simplicity. In countries with four seasons, autumn's probably on the way already. Autumn is a beautiful season, where leaves turn reddish gold and slowly flutter down into a heap, where trees expose where bare branches piercing the blue sky. Lousy Singapore. I wish I were back in China, with my dear grandparents. The Olympics is coming soon...I hope it will be a great success. I'm sure it will make chinese all around the world proud.

My friends asked me before why I love China so much even though I've started taking the Singapore pledge every morning since primary school, while still being a non Singaporean. My answer is simple: it's inate. China was where I spent most of my childhood(from 0-5 years old). I remember the warm hugs I've received from my grandparents, stepping on a frozen lake with my cousin, pulling along my toy pony when I was a toddler who was still learning how to walk....Even though sometimes I feel that I'm very different from a Chinese that's living in China right now, I think I will still continue loving China, simply because I was born on that land. And even though China is badly polluted, I still feel proud of its current achievements in arts, sports, economics and many other fields.
---x---
Anywayyyy, my samples from Fr3b arrived in the mailbox yesterday! The staff at Fr3b is seriously too efficient, I had requested for samples on wednesday, transferred the money and they had mailed it out on Thurs and it arrived at my doorstep on Fri ^_^

Fr3b is claimed to be the 1st Singapore Online Sampling platform, where they give out free samples of many different products for you to try. Most of the time, you'd need to pay around $0.80-$1.28 for the postage and handling fees for them to mail the samples to you. There are a wide range of samples on the site, with most of them being skincare, cosmestics, hair products etc. After sampling, you can go back to the site to write a review to earn more points in order to get more samples and you can also read other reviews on that product to determine whether you should buy the product on the market or not.

Here are the samples that I had requested: Vichy Anti-Imperfections lotion, Covermark foundation and Clinelle Toner. If you want to sign up at Fr3b, click this way: http://www.fr3b.com/referral_program.php?referrer_token=2d5695be039777870aba491f07c69fa4

I'm going to the ZOUK BEATNIK PARTY with jojo later at night. Omg I'm very excited just thinking about it, my 1st zouk party!! Will post party photos up here on Sunday (:

LIBERALISED!

Thursday, July 24, 2008, 5:58 PM

Finally, all my tests are overrrrrrrr xD so me and michmich went to slack at the je lib today after school again. Going to the lib with michmich is fun, although we never talk much and just read books (I read magazines) Borrowed back a copy of FamilyCircle, I want to try out the mouth watering breakfast and baking recipes listed. I miss baking and filling the kitchen with delicious aromas :D

Now, let's access the damage that I'd inflicted on the tests ):
Day1: IH, LA, BIO
IH: I might as well kill myself already for this paper. I totally interpreted the question wrongly and wrote about government as in CENTRAL plus LOCAL, instead of central only. So I had actually agreed with the essay statement. STUPID ME. Predicted mark: 16/25
LA: This summary was still quite manageable, if I got most of the points, I'd be contented to get 18/25.
Bio: Ok as well. But I already had around around at least 6 marks deducted, mainly because of that stupid stupid micropropagation question. WTH. Miss Lee didn't even go through micropropation in class, she merely gave us notes for that for enrichment! And LSS happily set a 5mark question on micropropagation, in which I wrote grafting, layering and marcotting as the answer =.= Predicted mark: 51/60

Day2: Chinese Paper 1&2
Paper 1: I spent a freaking 1hr on the yingyongwen and I can gurantee that I have 2 marks deducted for quozi already. Predicted mark: 12/20. Sigh. Then for the zuowen, I had less than 1 hr to write, and I have a lot of words that I don't know how to write as well. My language was just mediocre, I couldn't think of any idioms to use at all and I have a bad feeling that my points were incoherent again =.= Predicted mark: 43/70 (Hopefully I can get higher if not my mum will slaughter me again)
Paper 2: There were some silly questions again with unpredictable answers...I hope I will still do ok. Predicted mark: 85+/110

Day3: Chem
I think I did badly for this paper, there were a lot of mistakes and I did not know what was the answer for "reagents" because Mrs Chew did not mention that word at all throughout her teaching. I drew the repeating monomer wrongly, at least 3-4 questions answered wrongly for MCQ, identified two elements wrongly and also lost maybe another 2-3marks on other random questions )))))): Predicted mark: 48/60 (Hopefully)

Day4 (today): Math, Aus chem quiz, physics
Math: Horrible horrible horrible. I got all kinds of weird ugly numbers as answers and my partial frac question was screwed, just as I'd know it will be. When I was answering and solving the questions I was like: I'm like writing rubbish now please. Sighhh. I just hope to get at least a A2. And that's 42/60. Partial frac qn: 5m, graph qn:5m, 8b 2m=12 marks deducted AT LEAST.
Aus chem quiz was crappy again, I seriously don't know whether they're really really testing chem or just common knowledge or just interpretation&guessting >.<
Physics: Not as hard as I thought, I got one MCQ question and qn on the image wrong. At least 3marks gone, plus the definition questions = atleast 5-7 marks gone. I hope I'll get a better test result as compared to last time...the last time, I had failed ):

Ok that's all in my test report. Check back for part ii of the report when I get my test papers back. I dread it. I'd rather do 3 tests for each subject and not get back any of them at all.

Romance of chocolate and red wine

Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 6:27 PM

(above photo was taken with my 2.0 pixel hp cam, edited using the Lomo effect)
Xiaoyang and Huimin came back from Shanghai and brought back Glico snacks for all Sec4Sop2s (: Mine was the chocolate red wine flavour, Jelly got chocolate, Leny got Mango ^_^ Xiaoyang told me she got that flavour for me cos she thought that I'm more suited towards RED WINE because I'm more sophisticated xD Well, thank you. I personally think that I'm more of a combination of red wine and chocolate rather than just plain sweet chocolate cos I have a more complicated personality. But, if given a choice, I'll choose to EAT the chocolate flavour simply because I like chocolate more.

The packaging box had a very nice phrase on it: 一曲曼妙的味觉华尔兹，当巧克力恋上红酒的香醇，交织的浓情滋味，忘却了时光，融化了心。
The english translation was: When chocolate falls in love with red wine, the sweet flavor melts my heart, and makes me forget the passing of time.
我想，当巧克力爱上红酒的那一刻，应该是即酸涩又甜蜜的吧。不过，百醇已开始吃起来却像樱桃口味，直到最后，才有非常淡的红酒味，令人有一点点的醉意。哈哈。

Snacking on my balcony garden. Photo was edited using the Lomo effect as well! I'm starting to fall in love with photography, when I start working this year, I shall save up to buy a Lomo baby for myself! But the only thing with Lomo cams is that they're not digital D: So that will be quite a chore.

（离北京奥运只剩17天！好期待，好兴奋哦！我希望中国拿到北京奥运的第一块金牌！盼望中国男女体操队今年有更好的成绩！Meanwhile, I shall continue mugging my chem. 2 MORE DAYS TILL I SAY BYEBYE TO BLOCKS AND START DREADING EOYs =.= ）

Labels: a smile a day

Night Festival 08 Part I

Sunday, July 20, 2008, 6:51 PM

I went to the Night Festival at National Museum yesterday to watch an outdoor performance named The Dancing Sky by Studio Festi, a performance troupe from Italy. They were very very very very GOOD. Totally loved the entire length of the performance, the lights, the music, and artistic value were all great. The reason I named this as Part I only was because I am SO going to next weekend's night festival!!! It's the ZOUK BEATNIK PARTY, celebrating hip hop culture on the 26 july. There will be hip hop and graffiti art competitions going on simultaneously, as well as rapping and beatboxing. If you wanna go too, please tell me!

I've uploaded all my photos onto Photobucket and edited them using my super cool (secret) online photo editing tool, so now they look even more beatiful. Enjoy the photos (and one video)! The pictures are in order of appearance throughout the show. But I didn't include the first dance because I didn't manage to get good photos for it ):

NOTE: Please do not steal any of the photos from my blog! I had to stand in the crowds painstakingly to take them, upload them on Photobucket, and then edit then before putting it up here on my blog for everyone to enjoy.

National Museum bathed in pink light before the show

The girl is suspended within the ball

This was one of my favourites. The italian opera music was beautiful. The ship and the dance of the girl was great as well.

I apologise for the poor quality of the video! But isn't the ballet dancing on the floating piano just beautiful? There's an actual pianist playing it as well!

Garden Girls. In gigantic skirts, standing 3m tall.

Dance of the Planets. My favourite! It was simply breathtaking, I love the moon balloon the most.

Water display. It was water spraying out from the nozzle and light shown on it to show the lovely face image (:

The water performance. The second picture show her inside the hemisphere pool. Her moves of graceful and flowed together with the water. Very very beautiful (:

The fire performance, after the water one. It presented the power and light of fire and the dance was very strong, with rthymic beats, combined with the many fire effects. I managed to use my photoediting tool to fade out the mass of heads in the background xD

Me and my friend took a picture with the performer shown here afterwards xD But we didn't manage to take a pic with the italian guy, he's a hottie D:

Pour me another cup

Tuesday, July 15, 2008, 11:29 PM

Nothing is second compared to a cup of lukewarm fresh pure non-sweetened soya bean milk at night! I sleep well when I drink milk. Mom bought this cup for me back from IMM again. Milk has became a part of me every morning since primary school. Maybe that's why I grew so tall....but I still think that it's my genes that made me tall (:

A cup of warm milk makes me feel cared for.

My messy table. It's a big L shaped table but I still find it too small sometimes cos it's covered by my mountainous piles of papers. They're drowning me D: I share the table with my dad, but I use like 3/4 of the table =.=

Mugging like mad for tests next week. Damn. I'm going to die for physics and math all over again. And my chinese? *cold laughter* Sigh. I seriously don't wanna get horrible B3s again T_T

I don't understand what I'm trying to achieve all this while. Simply good academics results? And I don't get why I have to waste my time and tear my hair out doing horrible math when I'm not even going to use it at all in my future life. At least when I learn sciences, I know about the applications and more about how things work in my life. But MATH?!?! Hello, I'm not going to do differentiation/integration at all in my life, nor do I need to use P&C to find the number ways I have to arrange things. Math has no real application in my life at all. Math should die. *muahahhaha*

Lately, I've been trying something new, which is to sleep for around 1h30mins when I reach home early, then sleep at 12am+ at night. I feel that I can concentrate better and also function better too at night. I'm going to heat up my dinner in the microwave now. So disappointing, I have nobody to eat it with.

A day in the life of me #1

Monday, July 14, 2008, 4:32 PM

Things in my life on SATURDAY, 12 JUL 08
(Posting pics on blogger is SUCH a chore!)

9:30am

Had this cake for breakfast....It's supposed to be a lemon chocolate cake that me and my mum bought at breadtalk but I seriously could not taste any chocolate, except for the white chocolate deco strips on the top of the cake. Too much cream and butter. The macarons tasted EW. I shall go and buy real nice macarons next time, even though they cost like $1.50 for a single piece -,- Not a very nice cake. We got cheated.

10:15am

Went downstairs hoping to get my f21 items in the mail. I GOT THEM! So happy. The wallet is gorgeous but not very user friendly. Too little space, my notes doesnt fit well and the card space is too little as well ): But it's pretty!!! Shown above: f21 Lindsey Skinny Jean shown with accessories from TOPSHOP and top+scarf from delias. Polyvore didn't list my pretty wallet, so below's a seperate picture.

2:13pm

Ate little miniture sushis for lunch while mugging bio. They even gave a miniature bottle of soy sauce. How cute!

6:47pm

Saw these adorable little monkeys at Bukit Timah Natural Reserve...They're not scared of people at all.

Saw this tree vine at one of paths leading to the summit. So twisted, looks like a 麻花.

That's all in the life of me (:

My Current Obsession: NEIL HASKELL!

Sunday, July 13, 2008, 12:01 AM

After watching a series of videos from SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, I have a huge huge huge crush on Neil Haskell now. I think this is like the first time I have such a huge crush on a male idol :D AND HE'S A FABULOUS DANCER.

He's cute, beautiful and handsome and all the good qualities I can think of. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels so. PLUS, he's got a perfect body. Go here for his portraits: http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa144/NeilFans/Think%20In%20Color%20Photography/

I shall stop blabbering/make myself look like an idiot and post some gorgeous pictures of him for you to see!

Here's the comtemporary piece choreographed by Mia Michaels, performed by Lacey and Neil. It's a very very touching and pretty dance, as well as the most talked about one in SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. Originally wanted to post the youtube video here, but it doesn't fit my blogskin layout so I shall just give you the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHMQ_rD6KJU&feature=related

That video really gave me goosebumps. Mia Michaels ROCK! Neil ROCKS even more! I LOVE YOU NEIL :D

TOP 10 random things that I like to do

Friday, July 11, 2008, 3:35 PM

Due to the early dismissal today, I have decided to be random and drool at some of the things that make me happy. I have taken some artworks from the talented people at deviantart and posted some here...Hope nobody minds. If you do, tag and I'll take it down. Please do not steal the artworks for mass distribution purposes/change or edit it in any manner.

#1 - Eating chocolate

I really want to KISS the person who invented SOLID PURE CHOCOLATE BARS, esp dark chocolate. The creamy, bittersweet taste always takes my mind off anything that's troubling me, so I always eat chocolates when I'm feeling troubled. Scientists say chocolates releases endorphins into your body, and that makes you happy. SO EAT MORE CHOCOLATE!

Besides pure chocolate bars, I also like anything else related to chocolate. Eg: chocolate truffle cake, chocolate muffin, chocolate dipped strawberries etc. I also love eating the yummy chocolates with interesting flavours in the center, also know as pralines. I also bug my mom to buy those for me during Chritmas.

Artwork by mus-owocowy.

#2 - Curling up to sleep under a heavy wool blanket in cold temperature

Unfortunately, Singapore doesn't have winter, so I'll just have to make do with the aircon. But when I went to Canada, I felt even safer under that extra thick blanket. It's a very very warm and nice feeling curling up into a ball under the blanket. It makes me feel safe and cared for. You should try it sometime, like that cat shown above. Cats are cute because they can really really sleep anywhere, in funny positions. If I had a bathtube at home, I'll try that too.

Artwork by LoganX78

#3 - Running through fields of flowers

Only in rural villages, then you can see the clear blue skies with pure white fluffy clouds. That is the same principle in any part of the world, I've seen enough to come to that conclusion. I have never been to Europe, however, and I will definitely go there once I gain ability to depend on my own finances to travel. (TOP PLACES I WANNA GO: France(Paris et Bordeaux), Japan, Hawaii, Europe)

I enjoy the experience of running in a place where I'm surrounded by vast stretches of pretty flowers and clear blue skies. It makes me feel like a bird, small yet free. If I do get the chance to go to Europe in the future, it will be my top priority to run through a poppy field.

(I forgot where I took the picture from. I shall find out and update)

#4 - Hugging dogs

Since small, I have always enjoyed playing and interacting with animals more than I enjoy interacting with humans. Especially adult humans - grown ups - who lack so much imagination that I used to think their world was black and white. Dogs bring me a sense of security and warmth, because you'd know that no matter what you do, even if you illtreat them, they'll always be there by your side. That's because you're the world to your doggies, even though your doggies might not be the world to you.

Dogs understand people. When they see you smiling, they're happy and they just want to jump into your arms and lick you all over. When they see you sad, you'll just nudge you with their nose just to let you know they're there. When I grow up, I'm going to have at least one dog no matter what.
I so want to watch the Japanese movie: 10 Promises to your Dog. (与狗狗的十个承诺) Anyone that wanna go with me?

#5 - Singing

Singing is a way of talking things out that you can't normally express.

It makes you feel carefree. Music is the thing that you create from singing. That's why singing (and music) is my life.

#6 - Shopping with friends

No artwork for this either.

Like all girls, I enjoy spending my money on cute and kitschy stuff, pretty f21/topshop clothes and cute shoes and bags. Shopping is fun because it's retail therapy! Shopping with friends is even more fun because it's gossip + retail therapy + trying on weird clothes(like bikinis :O)

hahahahah.

#7 - Doing anything in relation to hip hop

I wanted an image with someone doing breakdance in front of a graffiti wall. No such image. Oh well. You can imagine then.

The music, the dance and the attitude is all something I love hip hop for. It makes you feel alive.

#8 - Baking

Ever since my mom bought a 3-in-1 microwave with grilling and baking functions, I self taught myself baking. Bought the necessary baking equipments, went online to search for recipes and successfully made my first batch of chocolate chip cookies. Then I went and bought a baking book to try baking muffins, other types of cookies and cupcakes.

Baking is a very fun activity, and it's the only food that I can "cook" up for myself. It makes the entire kitchen full of nice chocolatey smell and the piping hot cookies that come out from the oven are always very very good :D

Artwork by C3r0

#9 - Sitting on scary rollercoasters

The rollercoasters shown in the first pic look big, bad, mean and scary. Look at that loop! OMG. But rollercoasters are really really fun, but the only ones I sat so far are the ones in Genting. Sigh.

Rollercoasters allows you to scream as much as you like without getting dirty looks from other people, and also makes you feel like you're flying. It makes your adrenaline surge and is exciting and thrilling, without burning a whole in your pocket.

Artwork by darkstaf and dermot-ie

#10 - Not doing anything at all; just thinking about things/Reading

Thinking about things is a good way to past time, because you can not only reflect on the things you saw but you can also give into your own daydream fantasy world. It's a good habit to think, even if you're thinking rubbish :D

And that's all. Hope you enjoyed all these!

干浆糊（Dried Glue）

Wednesday, July 09, 2008, 7:36 PM

我就是浆糊。我日夜夹在两个不愿意在一起的人之间，不过经过不少的风风雨雨与摩擦，那两个人之间的撤拉让我变得非常疲惫，让我渐渐地失去了粘性。两个人反而越来越疏远，也越来越经常发生争执。有时候，他们提高的声音会让我感到害怕，因为我害怕有一天我实在支撑不住，让他们两个分离。小的时候，抱有无限希望的心灵总是在这种情况下比平时还要更粘，不过在成长过程中才沮丧地发现其实事实不是自己想的那么简单、那么单纯。通过一次次的泪水，我丧失了希望，停止了阻止，我只会坐在他们的之间的某一个角落，假装一脸茫然，不过心里却非常疼痛。有时候甚至会感到麻木。那是多么希望自己能闭上眼睛，然后就静静地消失……

我感觉到自己出生的目的就是要结合这两个人，让他们的关系变得更亲密，没想到发生的一切竟是相反。不过，浆糊如果有一天失去了粘性，那该怎么办？当那天到来的时候，浆糊是不是会躲起来痛哭一场，还是会欢喜呢？毕竟自己现在已经长大，也许就可以欺骗一下自己的良心，告诉自己两者的分离与自己互不相关。毕竟他们曾经对自己说过，他们多年在一起的原因都是为了我一个人。

要是浆糊出了什么事，一天突然干枯了，失去了意志，他们会使互相抱怨呢，还是帮助浆糊重新找回粘性？
我不敢想，也不想去想，只知道自己生活的目标就是要越变越好，让他们两个都开心。
不过，夹在中间的感受实在不好受。

NOTE: To see this post more clearly, smart people should know what to do. Click to enlarge the above picture. Drawn within 25mins, please don't criticize it, you'll make the glue even sadder than it already is.

My Happy Ending (not)

Monday, July 07, 2008, 10:15 PM

My parents are raging a war again...and in the midst of it all is my piano exam which took place today. And i screwed everything up.
Scales: Made a lot of mistakes along the way...played the wrong key twice was reminded by my examiner before playing the correct one.
Pieces: Messed up 1st piece. It was a complete wreck. No melody line, no dynamics, no structure, nothing. And I made a big mistake in the 2nd part of the piece as well. Had to try like three times before i got it right again. It was really really very bad and unsteady. I think i'll fail the 1st one. Second piece got slightly better along the way, but there were still stupid mistakes that i don't normally make in the large scales ): 3rd piece was so-so, I think my rthym was unsteady in some parts and the piano made the left hand accompaniement much too loud ): I hate the piano in the exam room.
Sight reading: Was given a andante expressio piece, used pedalling, but was horrible. Bad rthym, wrong notes aplenty. Sigh.
Finally AURAL: A section all wrong I think. B section mostly correct, C section partly correct, D section so so. I FORGOT TO MENTION USE OF DISCHORD IN LEFT HAND WHEN THE EXAMINER ASKED. And instead, i said syncopated rthym. What was i thinking?!?!??! Romantic period doesn't even come close to that. STUPID ME.

I feel so mad and frustrated and helpless. I spent time, money and some effort to prepare for this final exam and it turns out like a piece of crap. I'm so stupid. I really feel like apologising to my examiner. All my performance during exam probably only showed one thing: that i was UNPREPARED. Wtf. everything was ok when i did it at home. SCREW IT. I feel so frustrated now.

I really really really really do not want to fail this exam. But everything I do is useless now. BOOHOOHOO. I'm sorry, mum. I'm really so not living up to your expectations.

THIS is the feeling of joy

Saturday, July 05, 2008, 3:29 PM

For a start, I do not know what should be this post's appropraite title. But, i am 100% sure that friday was fun fun fun :D
We had youth day funfair as always on friday and my class was selling bangles (: I wanted to buy at first but then ran out of coupons after that so I passed.
Here's what I bought with 6 bucks worth of coupons:
- 3 adorable sticker sheets! (they were transparent thick plastic kind and I really couldn't resist)
- 1 shepherd's pie
- Half a cup of popcorn chicken(shared with xy)
- A drink with 70% ice but with nice "pearls" inside
And I think this year the BOM did a good job organising the funfair because there were interesting performances by chinese dance, band and guzheng and choir(eek), not forgetting the FASHION ROJAK where I laughed till I had stomachache with my friends. Some of the contestants in the lower sec seriously had SUCH funny costumes(red indian!) and there was one crazy sec2 girl that walked on the "runway" like a crazy woman and did a lot of crazy crazy poses. lol! BUT i hope next year they wont have choir sing again because the accoustics were srsly very bad and I had to shout to make myself heard. PLUS we were very very out of tune =.= Graz ppl will be going overseas alr...boohoohoo I'll be alone without adeline seating next to me D: BUT GOOD LUCK GRAZ PEOPLE! YOU CAN DO IT!

Anyway, I'd gone to the library after that to meet up with michmich to do hw and read books, before rushing off the hcjc for INSPIRE 08 concert with wang. When I reached HCJC side, it was kind of dark alr cos it was around 730pm and the campus loomed over me and I couldn't help feeling scared at first. I do not like being alone and not knowing anyone in a big dark place and I'm also afraid that I'll find it hard to adjust when i "cross the bridge" this year >.< Went inside the campus and saw that a lot of people were still there sleeping or doing hw or whatever at such a late time. I think i better say goodbye to my freedom(considering that there's any at all) now before it's too late.

But the INSPIRE 08 concert was really really realllllly good, considering that I only paid 7bucks for it. The only good parts were the HCI MAD BBOY performance, out of the mind popping and bboying moves by Func Faction Club and the lower half band performances by Raffles Jazz Club and Stella's Story. FFC was seriously so damn good! OMG i want to learn to do popping like that. Stella's Story was a electric heavy rock band...even though I'm not a big fan of all those loud screaming noises and bombastic drums, I found the drummer very very cool and the lead singer very 'high'(even though the audience was starkingly unenthusiastic) But I have to say that the performance by RJC chinese dance was seriously hugely disappointing because their dance routine was boring, it was expected, the moves did not require any technique or flexibility and their standard is not even comparable to NYCD at all.

I went home with wang in my dad's car after the performance. I'm glad that we weren't awkward at all throughout the entire...3 hours? I think I should go out with guy friends more often(but i only have 2 that i keep in contact with currently =.=) NVM. I'm bursting with happiness just blogging about yesterday's events.

I enjoy this feeling.